


Truths The Bards Will Never Sing

by Ezzy_Pie



Series: Cullen Rutherford & Solona Amell  - Stories of the Dragon Age, Blight and Beyond [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Awkward Romance, Cheeky Wynne, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, First Love, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Romance, Sex, Sexual Content, Smut, Solona deflowers her first Templar, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-04-12 08:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4472501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ezzy_Pie/pseuds/Ezzy_Pie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a more innocent time, before the blight, a Templar fell in love with a Mage.  Cullen's relationship with Solona Amell, Circle mage, and future Grey Warden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've always loved the idea of Cullen and Solona, and totally head cannon their relationship pre-blight. I thought since i've started with a few shorter fics, then progressively longer ones, i'd just dive right in and do a long one.  
> I'd ideally like to span the whole series so far. I will be sticking vaguely to the main story, but there will no doubt be cannon divergences.  
> I wont be able to commit to a regular updating schedule, because life gets busy as we all know.  
> If people enjoy my story i will endeavor to keep posting, even if some chapters are only short.

Solona sat crossed legged in a pile of stolen pillows on the floor of the great library, now abandoned. The downy softness doing little to prevent the cold from seeping into her bones. The words bleeding together on the page as she squinted in the dim candlelight. Closing her eyes tightly, she pinched the bridge of her nose, a headache slowly building behind her eyes. 

"Still at it?"

"I told you she'd still be here." 

"She usually such a stickler for rules, pay up"

She opened her eyes to squint at the two approaching apprentices. Jowan, with his olive complexion, luscious ebony hair and even darker eyes, grinned widely at her. He was very handsome, all the girls in her dorm thought so. Half the tower believed them to be sleeping together for years now, apparently it mattered little that she wasn’t even eighteen yet. The thought was too creepy for either to comprehend, they were like brother and sister, having both arrived to the circle at the same time. He had been her first friend.

And then there was Anders, smirking at her with Mr Wiggums, a giant ginger cat asleep in his arms. Now if Jowan was handsome, Anders was beautiful. Dark blonde hair and eyes like golden honey one could surely lose themselves in if one stared overlong. She smiled. Anders was certainly not one to get romantically entangled with. Sure they shared a genial flirtation, but it was all in innocent fun to stir the gossips. Apparently Jowan deserved better.

Anders had made so many escape attempts she didn't know how he wasn't bound and shackled in his quarters. And he would be more likely to take Mr Wiggums with him rather than any other companion. She was no fool; she had no intention of having him successful flee the tower leaving her with a babe in her belly. She had seen it happen. Not that Anders was the type to deliberately do such a thing, but Solona was taking no chances. He was a flight risk.

She gave them her best scowl, feigning disapproval. She pointed her finger accusingly at Anders. "You! Were supposed to be here hours ago! And where is Neria?" 

“She is, ah, indisposed,” The two apprentices tried to suppress their laughter

“Again!” Their deep baritones boomed loudly in the silent library.

"Stop it! We’ll get caught! You know its way past curfew. Jowan!" Her friend clamped both hands over the back of his mouth, while Anders buried his face into the fluffy ginger fur. 

"Anders. You promised you would help me with my exam." 

“I don't know why you want my help Solona; you’re an adequate enough healer to pass"

“I don't want to be adequate Anders, I want to be great. And to be great, you need to learn from the best. Everyone knows you’re the best healer in the tower. You got a perfect score on your test." She immediately regretted the praise she provided him. His smirk broadened and he practically oozed smugness. 

She rolled her eyes when Anders shoved the cat into Jowan’s arms and dropped onto the pile of cushions she had been sitting on. The ginger cat hissed and spat until Jowan dropped the animal, the cat slinking to Anders side and curling into his lap. 

"Are you serious?” Jowan huffed, plopping down beside his two friends, pulling a pilfered bottle of sacramental wine from his robes.

Solona sighed heavily as Anders wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly to his side. 

“Say it again, Sol,” Anders whispered seductively in her ear, before pulling away and bursting into raucous laughter again, reaching for the wine bottle.

"Must I?" Solona whined, Anders raised his brows and feigned insult, casting his arm dramatically across his brow.  
Solona groaned, the things she would do for a good grade. It was important. It meant the difference between spending the rest of her days doing inventory in the stock room, or cataloguing dusty tomes for the apprentices or actually doing some good and helping people. Also, being a healer offered the slight chance of leaving the tower, albeit on short excursions and under Templar guard of course.

"Fine," she groused, clearing her throat dramatically in homage to Anders dramatic flair. 

"Now, now, say it like you mean it."

She brushed her unbound hair from her shoulders, primping and preening mockingly like some Orleasian noble.

“My dear Anders, would you please do m..."

"Fuck!" She had never seen Jowan move so quickly in his life, the empty bottle slipping from his fingers and rolling away. 

"What!" she cried in alarm, she really ought to have known better than to be out after curfew, Wynne would kill her if she knew.

"Templar! I saw a shadow. Go!" He scooped up the bottle and bolted up across the floor and up the stairs. 

Anders murmured a hasty ‘sorry’ and ran, tossing the fluffy ginger unceremoniously over his shoulder. 

Solona was left stunned. Bastards! She heard the heavy footsteps now. Quickly she shoved books under the cushions and stuffed her notes in her pockets. 

She scrambled to her feet, and hastened a quick retreat, sprinting around the corner, right into a solid wall of steel. 

She bounced off, landing heavy on her backside on the floor with a thud, wincing on impact. That would surely hurt tomorrow.

She curled into a ball, awaiting the inevitable beating that would surly follow. 

"I'm sorry," came the startled voice, laden with concern. "Are you alright?" 

What? Why wasn't she getting kicked in the gut right now? Solona carefully peeled her hands from her face, her whole body shivering with fear. His hand was reaching for her, offering her assistance. Was it a trick? Would he smack her down the minute she dared take his hand, the second she stood? 

She peered up from beneath a curtain of golden hair. She didn't recognise him. Neria said there was a new Templar arrived today, and she would know.

He was leaning down, the soft glow of candlelight, highlighting his features. A mop of unruly golden curls adorned his head like a golden crown and he had wide, amber eyes with thick dark lashes. Perfectly straight nose, and high cheekbones, yet he was by no means 'pretty'. His jaw was strong and chiselled, definitely masculine, with light stubble, only visible because of the shadows cast across his face. 

But the most startling thing she noticed was the sincere and genuine kindness in his eyes. Solona had never seen that in a Templar, except maybe Carroll, but that was only reserved for Neria. It broke her heart that the Chantry would one day twist that kindness into something sour and vile.

She realised she had been staring too long when he awkwardly cleared his throat. She tentatively took his offered hand, surprised when he didn't snatch it from her but pulled her to her feet. He tugged a little too hard and she was hauled against his chest. She grasped his shoulder plates to brace herself, his hand going to the small of her back to stop her falling. She froze, unmoving, his hand lingered, his fingers brushing against the course wool of her robes. 

Solona swallowed hard. "I...I'm sorry Ser," she shuffled her feet, slowly retreating from him, but he made no move to stop her but dropping his hand from her back. "I...I...was studying...exams..."  
Just go! Just run before he smites you down where you stand! Her minds screamed, thought her body refused to act.

"You should... get to your... room," the Templar said a nervous voice, a small, shy smile quirking the corners of his lip. Her stomach flipped and she found herself staring at those lips. If she thought Anders was beautiful, this Templar was a golden Adonis. 

"Miss?" Solona felt the colour rise to her cheeks and she snapped her eyes to his. He was staring at her, confusion marring his brow.

Maker's breath!

"I...yes, sorry..." She turned and ran from him, never seeing the flush of colour on the young Templars face.

********

"Cullen!"

"Ah...yes...what...I wasn't!" Scarlet bloomed bright across his face. 

"You were staring at mage Amell again." Carroll snickered, nodded towards the girl perusing the library shelves.

She was strikingly beautiful. Her luscious golden locks were tied back in a severe ponytail, not unbound and free like that night in the library, several weeks ago. Her eyes were a bright emerald; he'd never seen eyes so green. Her high, delicate cheekbones suggesting she came from a noble family, not a homespun farm boy like himself. His hands still bore the tiny scars from working his father's farm.

He had never held a woman that close before that night, having joined the order at age thirteen. Relationships were not forbidden, but neither were they encouraged. He saw her face every night when he closed his eyes. It did not bode well for him to be developing affections for a mage. 

"You’re doing it again." Carroll smiled. "Barely been here a month and already making eyes at the mages." 

"No, I'm...it's not..." Cullen expelled an exasperated breath, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"She is a beauty," Carroll continued, “No one would hold it against you were you to...indulge. You wouldn't be the first, just don’t let Gregoir find out.” Cullen stared in astonishment as Carroll winked at the dark haired elven girl with Solona, the elf in turn blew him a kiss. After quickly assuring himself that no prying eyes were about, Carroll made a show of catching the kiss and tucking it into his pocket.

Cullen’s mouth dropped open in shock. It was highly inappropriate, his blush growing increasingly darker watching the display. He raked his hand through his mop of curls. Carroll laughed, drawing Solona’s attention. The elven girl waved brightly at them, before Solona snatched her hand down, scowling at her friend.

"Neria!" she hissed. Cullen looked away, before he saw the shy smile Solona flashed in his direction.

Realising the younger Templar was about to combust from embarrassment, Carroll took pity and relented.

"Calm down Cullen. Library detail is incredibly dull, and you’re still the newbie. Anyway, they are leaving, look." Cullen raises his head; and sure enough the two young women were headed toward them.

"Hello Cullen, " the dark haired elven girl smiled, Solona blushed scarlet, grasping her friends arm and hurrying past. 

His heart skipped a beat when she cast him a glance over her shoulder, a ghost of a smile on her pink lips. That was the moment Cullen knew for certain he was doomed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Admit it, you like him." Solona scowled across the breakfast table to Neria. The elven woman's eyes sparkled, mischief dancing in the silvery orbs as she shoved a forkful of scrambled eggs into her mouth. 

"Why won't you just admit it Solona. I see you watching him. You blush whenever he walks by, and I know for a fact he likes you." Neria lowered her voice to a conspiring whisper. "Carroll has told me." 

“We are just friends Neria." It was true a tentative friendship had blossomed between herself and Ser Cullen. If shy greetings, tentative smiles and blushing cheeks could be called such.

"Solona, the man looks at you like a sad puppy. The whole tower can see it!"

"He's a Templar! They are our jailers, Neria! They are here to enforce the Chantry’s law. They are all the same, no matter how nice they appear to be.” She snapped, bitterness creeping into her voice. It was the harsh truth she had told herself. Ever since the handsome Templar had started invading her dreams, even in the waking hours, and it was a path best left untraveled.

"They are not all the same Solona." 

Solona snorted, her scepticism clear. “You think Carroll wouldn't strike you down if Greagoir ordered it? To make you tranquil on the Knight-Commanders say so? He wouldn’t hesitate to do his duty even if you are sleeping with him and you know it." Neria, her friend, was staring at her with wide, shinning eyes, her dark hair framing her crumbling features. Solona regretted her cruel words instantly, that her cynicism had reared its head, Neria didn’t deserve her ire. But Neria was a fool if she thought Carroll would forsake his duty for her. 

"He loves me Solona." 

"As if that means anything." 

"It means everything,” Neria voice was so low and full of anguish, Solona could barely hear her.

She could have ripped her own bitter tongue out for her biting words. Who was Solona to judge? Was her friend not entitled to grab for the small amount of happiness their caged existence allowed? Neria found it with Carroll, Anders found it in the hope of freedom. And what did she do, kept her nose buried in books, never straying from the strict rules that dictated her life.

"I'm sorry Neria, I didn't mean it." Neria locked eyes with her, a few tears having escaped, trailing down her cheek.

"Yes, you did." Neria sighed heavily, pushing her eggs around the plate in front of her. Solona wanted to reach out, console her friend. Guilt was like a weight on her chest for speaking so harshly, but she held back, unsure if Neria would welcome comfort from the so called friend who was now responsible for her distress. Why did she say such hurtful things? 

"Sorry, Neria" Silver eyes met hers, glistening with unshed tears, and her heart fell.

"Do you honestly think I'm that naive that I haven't thought about it, all those things you said? I think about it constantly, but don't I deserve something, some small scrap of this world that is mine, that they can't take from me?” Neria swiped furiously at her tears, it wouldn’t do well to draw attention to their conversation.

“You say that he's a Templar, he has a duty. Yes, he does. I live with that reminder daily. But do you think he doesn't live with that also? That I am a mage, and an elven one at that. That every night I have to contend with demons that would possess me. That I might fail my harrowing when I’m called, become an abomination?" 

Solona had no words, she honestly hadn't thought about it from Carroll’s perspective. And Neria wasn't wrong, she did like Cullen. He was sweet, and kind, and treated the mages well. She occasionally caught him looking at her, colour rising to his cheeks as he offered a bashful smile before turning away. 

"I am sorry; I shouldn’t have said what I did. But you’re not wrong Neria, I do like him." 

"Then why? He obviously likes you too."

"Because I'm afraid I'll fall in love with him." 

Neria smiled softly. “That’s not a bad thing Solona."

"He's a Templar Neria, and I a mage." Solona sighed, "It can't ever be anything real."

"Do you think what I have with Carroll is not real?" Neria asked, raising a brow, the teasing light in her eyes creeping back.

"I didn't mean...shit...Neria..." the elven woman smiled.

"I know what you meant. But it's worth it, Solona. Some days, this place..." Neria smiled sadly. "And then, some days, I get to be with Carroll, and on those days, this tower, feels less like a prison. I have someone who loves me Solona, for me, and when we're together, he's not a Templar, and I'm not a mage. We're just Carroll and Neria. Two people who love each other." She reached across and grasped Solona’s hands, silver eyes shining. 

"I want that for you. It is no less real for us in here than it is for them out there. You deserve to carve out a sliver of happiness for yourself Solona." 

Solona remained silent, thinking hard Neria’s words.

 

Solona left the breakfast hall, grabbing a handful of chocolate chip biscuits and shoving them deep in her pockets. She came to a surprising realisation. She did want those things, all of them. Neria was right. Why shouldn't she have something for herself? The Chantry had dictated her life for as long as she remembered, tearing her from her mother's arms when she was only five years old. 

She couldn’t remember her mother's face anymore, only that she shared Revka Amell’s golden locks. Unconsciously she brought her hands to her throat, fingering the pendant that belonged to her mother, the only memento from her life before the circle. While other apprentices had received letters from their families, name day gifts and such, she had received none. Jowan and Neria still received letters from their families, even Anders would get the occasionally letter from his mother, scolding him for his latest escapade. She had been completely cut off after being taken from her home by Templars.

Solona came up short before the library door. Cullen was on duty inside. Did she dare pursue him like Neria thought she should? Make her intentions known? Like her heart wanted? Or keep him at a distance? 

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the heavy door. 

***********

Cullen heard soft footsteps approaching. It was still early; most of the apprentices were still at breakfast. A few of the mages had begun passing through the library, the mage Wynne was busy preparing an herbalism lesson for the young children.

The faint smell of lavender and lilacs invaded his senses as she approached. Cullen tried to suppress the smile that threatened to split across his face when he saw her. Her hands were shoved into her pockets of her robes, her head hung low as to not draw any undue attention to herself, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth as she hurried towards him. 

His heat beat a rapid tattoo in his chest, beating so loud he was sure the entire library could hear. His heat skipping several beats when he realised she was walking toward him. Usually they exchanged no more than the passing pleasantries and half smiles, but today...

He reached around, rubbing unconsciously at the back of his neck. 

"Cullen, I..." her words faltered as she stopped in front of him, searching for words, worrying her bottom lip.  
"Mage Amell," he nodded stiffly, unsure of what she wanted. She looked down, shuffling her feet nervously before her heard snapped up, a brilliant blinding smile gracing her delicate pink lips and the picture warming his blood. He found himself staring, wondering how soft they were, how his lips would feel pressed against hers…

“I never thanked you, when we first met. You could have reported me to Irving, but you didn’t. So thank you.” She stood awkwardly in front of him, waiting for him to acknowledge her he realised. Cullen tore his gaze from her lips, running his hand through his hair, fidgeting nervously as heat rushed to his cheeks. 

“I, ah…your welcome…M…Miss Amell.” If she had noticed him staring so brazenly she didn’t mention it and he was thankful. She smiled gently up at him; he towered over her by at least a foot. 

Solona fished around in her pockets and held out her hand to him. When he just stared dumbly at her, she reached for him, turning his palm up. The shock of her soft delicate hands grasping his own calloused one sent a sharp thrill through him and he had to force himself from flinching. Her hand was warm and soft, her thumb tracing circles on his open palm. He was sure he stopped breathing altogether as she stood in the library caressing his hand. 

Remembering herself, she placed two biscuits in his hand, closing his fingers over the baked goods. 

“I brought you these,” She didn’t look at him, her emerald gaze remained focused on their hands, her slender fingers lay over his larger ones, semi-entwined. 

“Th…Thank you,” Cullen breathed, and once again she bestowed a beautiful smile on him. She quickly scanned the room to make sure no prying eyes watched them and before he knew what she was about, she pulled her hand from his, raised herself on tiptoes and planted a hasty peck to his lips. 

Before Cullen could even grasp what had just transpired she was hurrying away from him. As she walked away Cullen could not help notice the gentle sway of her hips, and the curves of her derrière.

The sound of a throat clearing drew his attention. His gaze met that of Wynne’s across the room. The older woman waggled her finger at him, having caught him ogling Solona’s derrière. 

Heat burned his cheeks and Cullen didn’t think he could blush any deeper.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently romances in the Circle very much resemble high school romances.

"Did you hear yet if Anders passed his harrowing?" Solona asked Jowan who was gazing somewhat wistfully into the distance. She followed his gaze, seeing nothing but the tops of the library stacks.

"Jowan!" Solona waved her hand in front of her friends face, finally drawing his attention. 

"Huh, oh...what?" 

Solona frowned. "Where were you just now? You've been so distracted lately." Jowan turned to her, his dark gaze still miles away.

“Sorry, Sol. What did you say?"

“I asked if you had heard news of Anders yet." Solona raised a delicately arched brow at her friend as his mind had wandered again. Jowan had not been himself recently; it was not like him to fall prey to bouts of day dreaming.

"Jowan! Did Anders pass or am I to assume he's currently an abomination!" 

"Hmmm...oh, yes, he's fine. Sleeping it off." 

"What is with you lately?" His gaze slid to hers, before he quickly looked away cracking his fingers. Her eyes widened.

"Jowan! You have a secret!" 

"What, no I don't.” 

"Yes you do, you can barely make eye contact, and you crack your fingers when you’re nervous. Stop that!" Solona slapped at his hands, dragging him behind the library stacks.

"Tell me." She urged, giggling like a small child, when in fact she had turned eighteen just last week. He hesitated, a deep frown marring his brow, now she was worried. They told each other everything. He was her best friend. She loved Anders and Neria too, but Jowan was like a big brother to her.

"Jowan, what did you do?"

“Nothing," he exclaimed a little too hastily. Solona’s bright green eyes narrowed on her friend. 

“You’re a terrible liar Jowan, how bad?"

"It's nothing, really. I...I met a girl if you must know." Jowan seemed way too agitated for someone who had just met a girl.

"Then why didn’t you just say so?”

"She doesn't want anyone to know?" Solona couldn’t help the hurt that stabbed at her heart. Since when was she just ‘anyone.’ 

"Why? You’re a catch; all the girls in my quarters adore you. Why wouldn't...oh Jowan, it's not Petra? Tell me it's not Petra, you know she has that on again off again thing with Kinnon. She will break your heart." Solona scowled at him, if he'd gotten mixed up with that harpy, she would have to set him straight.

"No, Sol, it's not Petra."

"Good, then why can't you tell me?"

Jowan sighed heavily, "It's...because...because it's new. She wants to make sure we work, as a couple before we tell anyone." Solona raised a skeptical brow. She wasn't entirely convinced it wasn't Petra. 

"Alright Jowan, but remember we don't keep secrets from each other. I told you about Cullen. 

Jowan laughed. "Sol, there's no secret there. You've been bringing him baked goods for weeks. You haven't even kissed him yet."

“I have too!" she protested lamely. Technically it was true.

"A peck on the lip, one time, does not count." he hummed, leaning back against the shelves, arms akimbo, smirking at her.

"I've kissed you." 

Jowan snorted, "Kissing me on a dare when you were twelve doesn’t count either" 

Solona crossed her arms in a huff, a dark scowl marring her brow, her nose scrunched, lip jutting out, pouting at Jowan. 

"Cullen will never kiss you with your face like that, ouch... “Jowan winced as she slapped his shoulder.

"Stop it!" 

 

*********

Cullen watched as Solona dragged the dark haired young man into the library stacks. His jaw tightened and his brow creased into a dark frown. He’d been a fool to think his childish crush had been reciprocated. She was a mage after all, she would never trust him. He had heard the rumours about the two of them. But had he really misread her attentions? For weeks now she had been bringing him biscuits or pastries from the breakfast hall, chatting quietly for a few minutes each morning. He was now able to stand in her presence and not turn scarlet, and his nervous stutter was getting better. She hadn’t tried to kiss him again however. Was he mistaking affection for kindness? 

“You have nothing to worry about you know.” Cullen almost jumped out of his skin, he hadn’t heard Carroll approach. Unclenching the fists he hadn’t realized had balled at his sides.

“I do not know of what you speak Ser Carroll.”

“Oh come on Cullen, your affection for Solona Amell is the worst kept secret in the tower. And you’ve been staring rather aggressively at those shelves there.” Cullen bristled at Carroll’s words, shuffling uncomfortably at his post. The two Templars turned their gaze to the two apprentices emerging from the book stacks. The young man was scowling at Solona’s smiling face, rubbing his arm vigorously. 

“Cullen, you need to talk to her, or more rightly kiss her, anything. You two have been dancing around each other for months now. It really is becoming quite difficult to watch.” With that said, Carroll pushed Cullen from his post, shoving him toward the young mage.

“I will cover you for a time Cullen, go.” 

“I…I…” Carroll shook his head and waved him off. Cullen turned toward Solona and took his first tentative step. What would he say? He couldn’t just drag her behind the stacks and kiss her. Could he?

“Hello Cullen,” Solona smiled brightly at him, the young mage excused himself, but not before wiggling his brows suggestively at Solona, to which she gave him a hard shove, her lyrical laugh filling his ears.

“I…” What now? Maker! 

“I am glad you are here Cullen.” She was?

“I would have a word if you please.” She didn’t wait for him to answer, but walked back into the rows of books. He could do naught but follow.

When she reached the very back of the aisle, she turned to him, a look Cullen didn’t recognize smoldering in those piercing eyes.

“Miss Amell…”His words were cut short by her hands cupping his face, his breath catching in his throat at the contact. His amber gaze locked with hers. She looked…scared? She leaned up on tiptoes and brought her lips to his ear, her warm breath fanning his cheek, the soft scent of lavender invading his senses.

“Please Cullen…Call me Solona.” And then, her soft, delicate lips pressed gently against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i might be rushing through these first scenes a little. I just wanted to have a little of their courtship rather than start them off in an established relationship.
> 
>  


	4. Chapter 4

Closing her eyes, Solona planted a soft kiss to Cullen’s lips, cupping his face between her small hands. She felt him stiffen beneath her touch, and she pulled away. She opened her eyes, heat flooded her face. Cullen was staring; slack jawed, wide eyed and red faced. 

Sweet Andraste! Has she completely misunderstood? 

"Cullen...I...sorry… If I've...over stepped... misunderstood...I thought…" 

He blinked, running his hand nervously up the back of neck, he was uncomfortable. He opened his mouth, and then closed it, no words coming forth, red blooming across his cheeks. Solona felt the humiliation rising, her face burning with embarrassment. He stood staring, blinking and not speaking. Solona silently begged for the ground to swallow her whole, to save her from her colossal mistake as she hung her head and took a step back.

"Fuck it!" Her head snapped up and Cullen grabbed her face, pulling her in for a scorching kiss, walking her back several paces until her back hit the bookshelves. His mouth claiming hers, his kiss full of fire and passion as his lips moved over hers. 

He was so unlike the shy young Templar she had come to know, his kiss burned hot across her lips, scorching her, igniting a fire in her belly. A feeling unknown to her spread through her body and she began to tremble uncontrollably in his arms. She moaned softly against him, running her slender fingers through his mop of golden curls as his lips slanted over hers, his tongue plundering the depths of her mouth. He pushed against her, crushing her between him and the shelving, her small breasts pressed painfully to him as his tongue danced along the edge of her kiss bruised lips before delving into her mouth once more, caressing her tongue with his own.

Maker! Where did a Templar learn to kiss like that! 

One large hand slid from her face to thread itself through her hair, cradling the back of her head, the other sliding down her back and lower to cup her derriere, pulling her hard against him. Solona let out a startled gasp as she felt his hardness between her thighs, red hot desire coursed through her and she couldn't help but buck against him. A groan rumbled from deep in Cullen's chest as she squirmed against his erection. He tore his lips from her, breaking the kiss suddenly and Solona blinked away the lusty haze from her eyes, a whimper escaping her at the loss of his lips on hers. He was breathing heavily, giving her sheepish smile.

“I’m sorry...that...was too much." He blushed scarlet and she couldn't stop from throwing her arms about him, her head lying against the cool steel of his breast plate. 

"No Cullen, it was a perfect first kiss.” 

"First... I thought... "

"Jowan? Ugh, no. He's my best friend, but nothing more. He's like a brother." 

Cullen smiled, more broadly than she had ever seen. 

"Your hair..." Solona reached up and smoothed down her mussed locks. Her gaze swept to his own mop, it was sticking up everywhere. 

"Yours isn't much better," she laughed, reached up on tiptoes to smooth the errant hair down. Cullen wrapped his arms about her, dropping a soft kiss to her crown. She sighed stepped from him. 

“I best be getting to my lessons, we shouldn't linger, someone might see. I'll see you later." she planted a soft on his cheek and walked away. 

Cullen watched her go, releasing a breath and raked his hand through his hair, undoing Solona’s attempts to smooth it down. He had been surprised when she kissed him; certain he had mistaken her kindness all these weeks. And yet he had almost messed it up with his hesitation, she had looked about to flee his presence. He was a little embarrassed as his loss of control. He didn’t know what had gotten into him. She had been so warm and willing in his arms, returning his kiss with a passion of her own; the feel of her against him was not something he would soon forget.

Composing himself he strode from the stacks. He glanced about. Solona was gone, but his eyes locked with that of Wynne, the older mage raising a quizzical brow in his direction and waving her finger at him at him yet again.

Maker! The woman was everywhere. Even so, he doubted he would be able to keep the grin off his face for the rest of the week.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear with me, i am still trying to find Solona's voice and pin down her personality.

Anders plopped himself down at the table where, Solona, Neria and Jowan had their heads bowed, intently studying their respective tomes. Solona had her nose buried in an ancient text about the ancient elves, more specifically the Arcane Warriors. They were fascinating and it was a shame she would never get to see one in action, namely because she lived in the Circle, but also from what she understood, it wasn’t a specialisation that was not still studied. 

Solona raised her head, relieved to see her friend looking like his usual self. "Finally awake Anders? How was it?"

"It was... Harrowing." he burst out laughing at his own, bad joke earning him duel slaps from Solona and Neria both. The newly harrowed mage flinging his hands up to defends against their attacks. 

Jowan continued to read book. 

"I have my harrowing next week." Neria piped up, a deep frown etched into brow, all playfulness deserting her. 

Anders wrapped his arm about her, pulling her to his side dropping a kiss to her crown and gently squeezing her shoulder. "You'll be fine Neria," Anders soothed, releasing her.

Jowan raised his head, a perplexed look passing over his dark features. He opened his mouth as though he were about to say something, then, thinking better of it, returned to his book. 

"You don't know that Anders." Said Neria softly.

"Yes, I do. Am I not an expert on being harrowed?" he laughed and she couldn’t help but smile. "You could always get that strapping Templar to run away with you, you both could." He said, looking at Solona.

"And get caught like you? Greagoir claims next time he's putting you in solitary Anders.” He hummed to himself, ignoring Neria’s words. 

"You could ask him to destroy your phylactery."

"What do you mean?" Solona asked, not quite sure of his meaning. Jowan’s head snapped up, suddenly listening intently to the conversation.

"You know the vial of blood they keep? The apprentice’s phylacteries are kept here in the tower. Mine is already on its way to Denerim now, but it would be nothing for a Templar to walk in there, no one would bat an eye." 

“That’s insane Anders, even by your standards." Neria laughed, scribbling some notes on her parchment. 

"What about you Solona? You game?"

"I can hardly ask Cullen to run away with me Anders; I only kissed him this morning" Solona couldn’t keep the wide grin from her face.

Anders eyes flared wide. "You finally did it! About bloody time." Anders chortled, leaning back in his chair, earning him a scowl from Niall who was cataloguing some books across the library. 

"So our little miss plays-by-the -rules is going to deflower her first Templar."

"Anders! I...I..." Solona blushed profusely, heat burning her cheeks.

"Give it time Sol, Neria here can tell you all about how to pluck a Templars petals." Solona turned beet red, her mind involuntarily conjuring explicit images Cullen naked. 

"Ha! Someone got there long before I did Anders. There were no blushing virgin's in our bed that first night."

“Ah, yes, and who had that honour again Neria?" Anders grinned. 

“I’d hardly boast about it Anders. Two sixteen year old virgin's fumbling in a dark corner was hardly the epitome of romance."

“You could have done a lot worse than me Neria. It could have been Jowan here."

"Hey!" Jowan’s head snapped up, taking offence at Anders implications. 

"Relax Jowan. I'm sure Leorah taught you a few things after your little tryst, being of a more advanced age." Jowan scowled hard at Anders, the woman was only three years his senior.

"So that means poor old Solona here is the only virgin at this table." Solona couldn't help but stifle a laugh as she smacked Anders up the back of the head. 

"Ouch! Solona..." 

"Quiet!" The three apprentices and one newly harrowed mage all looked to Niall who was looking mighty cross with them. 

Four heads went back to their work.

**************************

The first thing Cullen noticed when he walked into his quarters was the darkness. It was not uncommon for the barracks to be empty in the middle if the day, but the heavy curtains were drawn tightly closed. 

Cullen took a step into the room, spying the hunched over form of Carroll, the smile that had been plastered to his face since that morning fading quickly from his lips. 

"Carroll? What's happened?" The older Templar shook his head, a harsh sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob escaped Carroll. 

"Neria, her harrowing is next week." 

"I'm sure she will be fine, she seems capable enough in her abilities.” Cullen offered, but Carroll shook his head.

"That's not it. Greagoir, he...he chose me to oversee the harrowing...” Cullen’s mouth formed a silent ‘O’ and he sat down beside his friend, patting the man tentatively on the shoulder. He had no words, he couldn't fathom the idea of having to kill the woman he loved, couldn't wrap his mind around it. 

"Do you think Greagoir knows?" 

“No, I don't imagine so. I don't think even Greagoir is that cruel." Cullen didn't know what to say, what words could alleviate the fear and doubt from his friends mind. There were none.

"How can I be expected to strike my love down Cullen?"

“Carroll, I am sure it won't come to that." 

"Have you ever seen a mage become an abomination Cullen?" Cullen slowly shook his head. He had yet to oversee his first harrowing.

“I have. It is not a pleasant sight, to see a demon tear its way through a mages soft flesh, and to even think it possible... " 

"Carroll..." the other Templar brushed off Cullen’s attempts to comfort him. 

“Just leave me Cullen; I need some time...to process this." Cullen nodded solemnly, rising to his feet. 

"Could you do it, if it came down to it, could you?" Cullen asked.

"What choice would I have?" Cullen didn't answer, his own thoughts running a tumultuous riot through his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is a little dull, i'm just getting out a few things i have rolling around in my head so im humoring myself.  
> I also like to think, based on his personality in Awakenings that Anders wasn't always so serious. Plus, i like to get a little bit about her friends in there before everything goes to crap and we don't see them again.
> 
> I am just flying by the seat of my pants with this fic, although i do have a basic outline. The story is going to follow basic cannon, but probably with some divergences later, for e.g we don't see what goes down at the Circle before the Warden returns, so that will be all coming from my head and obviously this is all pre-game stuff :)
> 
>  


	6. Chapter 6

"You have got to be kidding Anders! Neria is up in the harrowing chamber right now! Anders wait!" Solona grasped his sleeve as the mage pushed past her, ripping the fraying fabric as he wrenched his arm from her grip. 

"Stop it Solona!" Anders snapped, wheeling around and pinning her with a fierce look, his honey eyes blazing. 

"Why now? Can't this wait until we know if she’s alright? Does she mean so little to you Anders!" Solona regretted her words the instant they left her lips. Anders stopped mid step, recoiling as though she had slapped him, anger leaving him. 

"How can you say that to me Sol?” his voice was low, hardly a whisper, a heavy sadness suddenly weighting his words. Solona cringed inwardly, cursing herself for her thoughtless words. Neria and Anders relationship had ended a long time ago, but everyone knew he still harboured romantic feelings for her, unrequited though they were. 

“She chose another, that does not mean I..." Anders cut himself off, leaving his words unspoken. Solona reached out to her friend, clasping his hand between her own, offering an understanding smile. 

"I wanted her to come with me Sol, the first time. She said no." He smiled, masking his pain once more, their relationship having already ended before his first escape attempt.

"Anders..." He was breaking her heart, deep down Solona knew Anders had hoped to win Neria back.

“It has to be now, the Templars are distracted by the harrowing. I might be able to get some distance between myself and the tower this time. I have to try." 

"But Greagoir has said..."

"I don't care Solona! I can't stay hear another day...it's killing me.” Anders sighed, leaning against the cool, stone wall of the corridor. “Don’t you get tired of it? Spending your life in this place? Don’t you wish for more than the Circle allows us?” 

Solona remained silent, shifting uncomfortably. She had honestly never allowed herself to think on it. She would be happy with the occasional sojourn in the countryside if she mastered her healing skills. But actually freedom? She never allowed herself to hope. What was the point?

"But you'll be an apostate. What if they catch you, what if instead of solitary they make you tranquil? Anders please!" She pleaded, squeezing his hand tightly. Tears stung at her eyes, she feared for her friends. Feared for Neria upstairs and she feared Greagoir would grow tired of Anders escapes, and start taking more drastic measures. 

"It's a risk I'm willing to take for the sake of my freedom. Please don't cry for me." 

Solona swiped at her tears, the thought of Anders a tranquil made her stomach turn. To have someone as passionate as Anders stripped of his emotions, of everything that made him. He stepped away from the wall, pulling her into an embrace, resting his chin on the top of her head.

“Sol, will you tell Neria I...how sorry I am I won't be there to congratulate her." Solona could only nod silently, praying to the Maker that he would be safe.

"Please be careful Anders.” 

****************************

 

Solona paced the length of her quarters; sure she would wear a hold in the Orlesion style rug. Jowan stretched out leisurely on her bed reading. 

"Your making me dizzy Solona, sit down."

"It shouldn't be taking so long. Anders didn't take this long." 

"I'm sure she's fine." Jowan said. Not looking up from his book. Solona shook her head. No. Something wasn't right, it was taking too long. Neria had been studying hard for months for this, she should be back sleeping it off by now. Today had not turned out the way she expected, upset over Anders departure and now Neria was taking too long.

"No, she's not." Solona stalked towards the door and flung it open. "Are you coming?"

"Where?" Jowan peered over the top of his book, a single dark brow raised in question.

"Upstairs."

"Are you crazy?" Jowan cried, tossing the book aside and swinging his legs from the narrow bunk. But Solona had already swept from the room.

"Solona, wait!" Jowan hurried after her, grasping her arm.

"You can't just wander up there! What has gotten in to you? You used to be such a stickler for rules, now you flout them any chance you get! Sneaking into library at night, kissing Templars and now you plan to march up to the harrowing chamber! Greagoir will have your head! This isn't you!" Solona’s eyes narrowed. He was seriously going to judge her behaviour? With how he’d been acting lately? 

"Are you really going to stand there and lecture me Jowan? I've barely seen you all week, and when I do your distant, unfocused and more agitated every time I see you. And don't think I haven't seen you sneak out of your bed at night Jowan.” His face paled, and she frowned. What was his problem?

“No need to look at me like that, I'm hardly going to tattle to Irving about your sneaking about to meet your lover.” She took a step closer and drew him into a friendly embrace.  
“I'd do anything for you Jowan, you know that right? You need only ask." He held her tightly, releasing a heavy sigh. She could feel the tension in his body, what had him so worried? Did he really think she would turn him in? Solona had to wonder if this girl he was involved with was worth the stress it was obviously causing him.  
She drew back to gaze at him, smiling softly at him. "Are you coming or not?" 

*******************************

She couldn't believe Jowan. He had actually let her come on her own. Solona hesitated briefly at the base if the stairwell leading to the harrowing chamber. Releasing a breath, she took the stairs two at a time, pushing open the heavy door at the top and stepped through.

A strong, muscled arm shot out from nowhere, grasping her elbow, a surprised shriek escaping her before clamping her mouth closed. 

"What are you doing? You cannot be here!" Cullen's voice hissed, relief washing over her at the deep timbre of his voice. 

Solona turned to him and he released her from his iron grip. For an instant he wasn't the blushing young man she had shared a few hurried kisses with this past week, but a Templar true. A dark scowl marred his brow as he stepped toward her. Her stomach flipped, feeling as though a million butterflies had taken up residence in her belly and she wondered briefly what it would be like to have Cullen kiss her while he was angry. 

"Solona, you can't be here." Cullen repeated

"I know, I'm sorry, it's just Neria..." she gestured down the corridor where she assumed the chamber was. 

Cullen's face instantly softened. He should have realised sooner. Without thinking, he drew her into his arms, careful not to crush her against his cold steel of his armour, burying his face in her masses of golden hair, inhaling the scent of her, the familiar scent of lavender and lilacs enveloping him, assailing his senses. He stroked her back reassuringly as she nuzzled the hollow of his throat, she was so soft and warm beneath his fingers, and it took everything he was to not shove her against the wall and kiss her. 

"I am sure she is fine Solona," the words he had been saying to Carroll for that last week rolled easily off his tongue. 

"It has been too long." 

"Solona..." She stepped back suddenly, pulling from his embrace, shining green eyes narrowing on him. 

"Tell me it hasn't been too long."

"I..." the sound of a door crashing open echoed down the hall, and Solona’s heart lodged in her throat. Cullen instinctively shoved her roughly behind him in a weak attempt to hide her, stepping back into an alcove. 

Armoured footsteps were heavy on the stone floor and Solona peered over Cullen's shoulder, slapping his hand away when he tried to push her further back. Solona gasped, her heart freezing as she clamped her hand over her mouth, Cullen's reached behind to hold her other hand. 

Her eyes fell upon Carroll walking wearily down the hall, his face drawn and pale and in his arms, Neria's limp form. 

The air whooshed from her lungs, blood running cold. She couldn't breathe, she needed to breathe, her head spun. Not Neria, not today! With everything else that was happening she couldn't lose Neria. It was too much. 

Bright emerald eyes narrowed fiercely on Carroll. “What have you done!?" 

Solona raced out from behind Cullen, the young Templar trying and failing to grasp her as she tore past him. Carroll's eyes widened as Solona ran towards him. Solona didn't care that he was upset, tired, worn, her friend was hanging like dead weight, cradled against his chest. 

"Solona!" Culled called, running after her.

She skidded to a halt before Carroll, her body numb, his words flowing over her, unheard. She brushed Neria’s dark hair from her face, sweat sheened brow. She was warm, she was alive!

"She's...she's..."

"Alive." Carroll finished a ghost of a smile on his lips. Solona’s gaze stayed focused on her friend, she was so still. Cullen squeezed her shoulder gently.

"Did she...pass?" Carroll only nodded, un-able to speak himself. Waves of reef washed over her and tears of joy spilled down her cheeks. 

"Cullen! Carroll! What’s that girl doing here?" Greagoir’s voice boomed down the hallway, several Templars following in his wake. Cullen froze at the Knight-Commander approaching voice, tearing his hand from Solona as though burned.

"She was worried about her friend, Ser." Greagoir’s eyes narrowed sharply at him as he rubbed the back of his neck. From the corner if his eye he saw Carroll's eyes shift nervously to his, and Cullen swallowed hard under Greagoir’s scrutiny. Something unfamiliar flashed across the Knight-Commanders features, his eyes travelling to Solona, pinning her with his gaze. 

"Get her out of here," Greagoir barked, his eyes never leaving Solona. "Carroll, get that girl to her quarters." 

Cullen gripped Solona by the elbow, spinning her toward the door. She had the good sense not to protest, Greagoir was not a man to be trifled with. Solona cast furtive looks over her shoulder however; Carroll was following at an accelerated pace, Neria cradled against his chest and Greagoir’s dark scowl sending chills down her spine. 

************************************

Greagoir stalked down the corridor, sweeping his hand back through greying hair. He couldn't have a situation like this in his tower. Greagoir reached the door and knocked loudly. It was late, but he couldn't sleep, and this was important and must be dealt with quickly, if it wasn’t already too late. He heard shuffling on the other side, before the door was pulled open, and a sleepy, dishevelled Wynne appeared.

"We have a problem"


	7. Chapter 7

Wynne pulled her robe tightly about herself, guarding against the chill that permeated the air and stepped into the hall. She blinked into the dim light, shadows dancing along the walls in the torchlight. 

Greagoir stood before her, half cast in shadow, a solemn frown etched onto his face. Yet despite his dour expression, Wynne could not help but think how the years had treated him well. He was just as handsome now as he had been as a young man, perhaps more so. Her heart fluttered in her chest, still, after all these long years. Self-consciously she smoothed down her sleep tussled hair. 

"What is it? I am to assume it must be important to bring you to my quarters in the dead of night, Greagoir." Wynne held back a dry remark about the last time they both were out of bed after curfew, thinking better of it. Best let sleeping dogs lie. 

"Indeed. I have reason to believe there is an unsanctioned relationship developing between a mage and a Templar. " 

Wynne hummed lightly, "I presume you are referring to Ser Cullen and Solona Amell?" 

"You knew?" Greagoir sputtered.

"The whole tower knows Greagoir. It is an innocent flirtation, nothing more." Wynne stated. She had been keeping a close eye on the pair. So far it remained innocent enough.

 

"That is how it started with us Wynne, or have you forgotten?" Wynne met his gaze, seeing the challenge burning in his stormy gaze, daring her to contradict him. He had never forgiven her for giving up their child, not in all these years. It had torn her heart to pieces to give up her infant son, but she had been young and scared and Greagoir was a fool to believe there had been any other way. Even now, she believed she had done the right thing. But she was not going to stand here in her nightdress and argue over wounds that would never heal. Not this night. 

"I have been keeping a close eye Greagoir." Wynne said, ignoring his previous challenge. "Solona is a good girl, she keeps to her bed at night, and Cullen seems like a nice lad and this is certainly not the first flirtation the Circle has seen, even between Templar and mage."

"I am aware of this Wynne, but do they not remind you a little too much of another young pair? I fear this could become a little more than a passing fancy." Greagoir released a heavy sigh, dragging his hand down over his face. "I am aware that we cannot police every coupling that occurs in the tower, but the ones we know of, we can prevent from going any further. Perhaps I should send him back to the Chantry?” Greagoir mused. 

"And lose one of your best Templars over a few heated glances and hurried kisses, do not be absurd. Ser Cullen is one of the few the mages do not openly fear. Besides, deliberately separating them could very well do more harm than good. You know how the young are.” Wynne sighed, Greagoir did not appear at all appeased. 

“But if it puts you at ease, Solona has aspirations of becoming a healer; I can ensure she gets the experience she needs. I could use an assistant will occupy a lot more of her time." 

"Yes, good. We cannot have this Wynne, not in this tower." For all his bluster, Wynne could see straight through him. He did not want to see two young people suffer as they had. 

Wynne smiled. “If I feel things are becoming too serious I will intervene, I will get Irving involved if need be. But for now, let it alone." 

"I hope you are right Wynne, I really do." 

Wynne nodded silently and slipped back into her room. 

She hoped so too. 

*************************

"What do you mean you haven't slept with him yet?" Neria exclaimed, Solona shushing her friend before shovelling in a mouthful of scrambled eggs. Neria, herself and Jowan were at breakfast, though once again Jowan was skittish and distant. They had been friends a long time, and it pained her that he was pulling further away from her with each passing day. 

Solona sighed heavily and returned her attention to Neria. They only really saw each other at breakfast now that Neria was a fully fledge mage and had new responsibilities. 

"It’s not that I don't want to, there hasn't exactly been a lot of time. Wynne has almost every single minute of every day planned to the letter." Solona replied before stuffing down another overloaded mouthful of scrambled eggs before the woman in question came to drag her away for work. She had barely had time to breathe lately. She loved Wynne, the older woman having been somewhat of a surrogate mother when she first arrived in the tower. She had been a scared child and Wynne had taken her and Jowan under her wing and Wynne had been the one who nurtured her aspirations as a healer. And now the senior enchanter had requested her as her assistant, helping her with everything from cataloguing herbs to running herbalism lessons for the children. Wynne had even promised to teach her some spirit healing techniques. Admittedly the techniques would only really be helpful if she were ever in battle, which was unlikely however. 

"I suppose,” said Neria, “That and I supposed Cullen is busy looking into the blood mage," Jowan made a strange sound in his throat, almost dropping his spoonful of porridge halfway to his mouth. Solona glanced at him raising a delicately arched brow in question. He was getting more agitated every day. 

"What blood mage Neria?" Solona answered with a mouthful of food. She had yet to hear such rumours.”

“Carroll told me last night, Irving suspects someone is practicing blood magic." 

Solona swallowed her food, then laughed, "Don't be ridiculous, who would be that stupid in a tower full of Templars?"

"It’s true. Carroll said Greagoir has the Templars performing random searches. I hear they even searched Irving’s office." 

"Why?" Solona could hardly see the aging first enchanter trifling with blood magic.

"I think tis more to put everyone else at ease, if the first enchanter submits to the Templar searches, so must we all.” Solona shuddered, the thought of blood magic made her skin crawl. How anyone could indulge in such a thing was beyond her. She had no desire to cut her wrists open and the very thought of being under someone's thrall, having no control of your actions, a puppet, was disconcerting to say the least. It would be worse than being made tranquil. 

"How long has it been now Solona, since you kissed him?" Neria said, changing the subject. Jowan seemed to visibly relax, his spoon finally reaching its destination. What was with him lately?

"Two months,” Solona said, it wasn't that she didn't want to sleep with Cullen, she did. It was frustrating how little time they could find together. Fleeting kisses in the library stacks were not enough. And she thought about it ALL the time. Imagining what it would be like to have his hands on her bare skin, to have his lips deliver soft kisses across her breasts and down her belly, to have him touch her in her most intimate places. She lay awake some nights, touching herself, imaging his hands on her, touching her, caressing her. And she couldn't help but wonder if he did the same 

"Solona!" 

" Ah, what, yes?" 

Neria laughed, “I know that look," she smirked and Solona blushed. Solona lowered her voice to a conspiring whisper.

"I want to, it's just..." 

"You don't want your first time to be fast and dirty bent over a musty old desk." 

"Hey!" Jowan scowled. “It wasn't fast!" Neria giggled into her hand at Jowan’s protest.

“I’m sure you've improved since you were seventeen Jowan,” Neria teased. 

“Damn right I have," he stated matter if factly, brushing his dark hair back from his brow. 

“Well, no." Solona said, answering her friend’s original question. 

"There's a supply room, on the third floor. It's quite private...Anders and I..." Neria grimaced. They hadn't spoken of Anders since his departure two months back. Solona chewed her lip, the awkward silence stretched on, only the sound of Jowan scarfing down his breakfast was heard.

"Neria...what if I'm not…good...I want to, but...I'm not sure." 

Neria eyes narrowed sharply “He’s not pressuring you? Solona, you don't have to do anything... "

"No, no, it's not that. Neria, I think I love him and that just..." 

"You’re scared," Neria smiled, taking Solona’s hand. 

"Kissing is wonderful Neria, but..."

"There are other ways to please a man Sol," The two young women giggled. Jowan shoved the last mouthful of food into his mouth and left, he didn't need to know how to please Templars. 

***************************

Cullen was coming back from the mess hall one evening when he spied her, loitering around the stairwell and his blood ran hot at just the sight of her. They had barely seen each other in recent weeks, Solona had been assisting senior enchanter Wynne and Greagoir had them all searching high and low for signs of blood magic. So far nothing had turned up other than causing already jittery mages more anguish. If he didn't know any better he'd almost think the mage and Knight-Commander were conspiring to keep them apart because Cullen doubted very much that there were blood mages in the tower. 

He strode purposely toward her. His heart near bursting with joy as she beamed up at him as his arms snaked about her waist, causing her to yelp in surprise when he pulled her hard against him, backing her into the alcove beneath the stairs. Her back hit the side wall, his lips crashing down on hers, his hands on her face, her throat, tangling wildly in her hair, devouring her sweet lips, red-hot desire coursing through him. 

Her hands fisted in his blonde curls as he ravaged her mouth, her tongue dancing along his lips. Low moans and sharp gasps elicited from behind the stairs, hands and mouths desperate to touch, and he chafed against the armour that separated her softness from him. 

Cullen had come to the realisation weeks ago that he was in love with the petit blonde mage in his arms, had been since that first late night encounter in the library. Ser Cullen the Templar was in love with Solona Amell, apprentice mage. 

"Cullen," she moaned into his mouth. “Someone will see." With a low grumble Cullen tore his lips from hers, taking in her dishevelled appearance. Glorious golden waves tumbled about her shoulders, her cheeks flushed and lips swollen from his passionate assault. 

Maker she was beautiful. 

She slipped her small hand into his larger one and led him behind the stairs and down a short corridor. She pushed open the door, and turned to face him, a wickedly salacious smile gracing her rosy lips as she beckoned him to follow with her eyes alone. A world of sin was written on his loves face and Cullen didn't hesitate to follow. 

Suddenly she was in his arms, pinned against cool steel, arms encircling his neck. He crushed her to him, his lips capturing hers. It had been too long since he held her in his arms.

Solona sighed in delight as his lips moved over hers, inching down the creamy column or her throat and searing their way across her flesh. He brushed the loose golden tresses from her face, clasping the base of her neck, his teeth gently grazing the tender skin. She ran her hands up the back of his neck, curling her fingers through the mop of golden curls. 

He pushed the fabric of her robes back, revealing the pale creamy flesh of her shoulder, showering the newly exposed skin with light kisses, biting lightly as his hands sliding down her back to grasp her backside, pressing her intimately to his hardness. 

A budding warmth bloomed and spread through her body, wet heat pooling between her thighs as Solona writhed against his erection. Cullen growled, spinning her so he back was against the wall, burying his face in the hollow of her neck, inhaling the scent of her, slowing grinding his pelvis against her. Solona’s breathy moans and gasp were music to his ears, the sweetest sound he had ever heard.

Cullen’s fingers dug into her hips as he moved against her, the coarse wool of her robes bunched tightly in his fists. His mouth returned to hers, hot and wanting and desire surged through her, husky sighs filling the small room. "I love you.” He breathed in her ear, before capturing her lips once more. Those three little words sending her heart racing, the butterflies in her belly to take flight. 

She pushed lightly at Cullen. Forcing him to take a step back from her, fear and panic clenched his heart; he hadn't meant to say it. He closed his eyes. The words just fell from his lips, unbound. 

Maker, had he fucked up? 

"Cullen?" Her palm cupped his cheek, he opened his eyes, and bright green met his amber. "I love you too,"

Cullen sighed, kissing her softly on her nose. "You don't have to..." he was silenced by the press of her finger against his lips. “Shush Cullen, I love you, let me show you." 

She grasped the top of his breeches, pulling him back towards her, turning him and pushing him against the wall, the clink of armour ringing in his ears. His heated gaze was drawn to her hands, tentatively working the ties of his breeches. 

"Solona,” his hands covered hers. "I believe you. You don't have to prove anything to me." Solona met his gaze, amber orbs bright and shinning with lust, the unmistakable bulge of his erection pressing against her hip and yet he was giving her an out. 

“I want to.” She smiled, slipping her hand inside his breeches, closing her small hands around his length. Cullen groaned, his head falling back against the wall. He was silky smooth beneath her warm fingers. Slowly she began to stroke the length of him, revelling in the sight of him as he moaned under her touch, his mouth falling open, his eyes fluttering closed as she increased her pace. She was delighted and a little smug as his hips thrust involuntarily into her hand, and she felt him grow harder in her hand, groaning when she circled her thumb over his tip. 

A strangled moan escaped him when she suddenly removed her hand, his eyes flying open, pinning her emerald gaze when she began to tug his breeches over narrow hips. He should stop her; he really should, all those years of Chantry doctrine flooding back to the forefront of his mind. But how could he think of stopping her when every fibre of his being was screaming for her to continue touching him, to stroke him until he fell apart in her hands. 

"Cullen?” Her eyes searched his, uncertainty written in her delicate features.

He met her gaze, releasing an uneven breath; he nodded, casting a glance door, assuring himself it was locked. It wouldn't bode well for either of them to be discovered like this.

Solona slid to the floor, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she tugged Cullen's breeches to his knees. Her eyes flared wide as his cock sprang free from its confines, standing magnificently erect before her amongst a thatch of soft golden curls.

"Your beautiful," she whispered, reaching out, closing her hand around him once more, gently stroking, she couldn’t tear her eyes from him. 

Cullen stared; just the sight of her on her knees with his rock hard shaft in her tiny hands made him pulse and ache with need. And when she leaned forward, wrapping her soft lips around his stiff member he couldn't suppress the obscene moan that escaped him. 

He felt her smile against him as she took him in her mouth, as much as she could. Cullen's hands flew to curl in the tangled mass of gold. Solona ran her tongue along his full length as she began to move. Her tongue swirling over him as her mouth moved in long languid strokes, taking her lips right to the tip of him and flicking and swirling her tongue over his head. 

Andraste preserve him!

He’d never felt anything like it. His hands tightened to fists in her hair, gently urging her to go faster, harder as he fought the urge to thrust wildly into her beautiful mouth. He bit his lip, stifling the salacious moans that threatened to spill from his lips as her golden head bobbed up and down, and he felt himself quickly hurtling toward his orgasm as his cock jerked and pulsed in her mouth. 

The brief thought that she was more experienced than him, (although she had claimed there had been no other), was dismissed as he lurched forward suddenly, biting his lip until he tasted blood, grasping her hair tightly, holding her still as he spilled himself into her beautiful mouth. 

Solona’s eyes flared wide, the salty sweetness shot into her mouth and throat and she fought the urge to pull away. His member twitched a couple more times and she watched Cullen from her knees as she pulled off him, his eyes closed, lip drawn between his teeth, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Unsure of what she was supposed to do next she swallowed and she looked up to see Cullen staring wide eyed at her. Was that wrong? 

Smiling up at him she dragged his breeches back up as Cullen pulled her into a kiss, the taste of him still on her lips. 

“Was that alright,” Solona whispered, her boldness suddenly leaving her. 

“That was incredible, thank you.” Cullen breathed, holding her close. “I love you, Solona.” 

 

“And I you,” Solona smiled softly, laying her head against his chest plate, sighing heavily as they heard the bell toll to signal curfew was in effect.

“Meet me tonight,” Cullen whispered, low and seductive in her ear. Solona shivered, she didn’t know his honeyed voice could sound like that! 

“Let me return the favour. Here, at the stroke of midnight.” Gently he released her, ushering her towards the door, with silken promises leaving her knees trembling. 

Midnight could not come soon enough. 

*************************  
The soft sounds of sleep filled the room as moonlight shone through the slit windows. Solona lie awake, waiting for the moment she could slip from her bed and see Cullen. The night seemed to stretch on forever, until finally, she heard the toll of midnight from the old clock across the hall.

Silently she slipped from her bed, bare feet meeting cold stone, sending a shiver through her. Quietly she walked to the door, grimacing as the hinges creaked upon opening. She hesitated, ensuring no one had woken, before slipping though. She was free. A rush of pure elation flowed over her as she turned to flee down the hall toward her beloved. 

She spun, crashing into a solid flesh wall, a warm hand covered her mouth, stifling her frightened scream. 

“Shush, Solona, it’s only me,” Solona instantly relaxed at the sound of Cullen’s voice. He released his hold on her and she flung her arms about his neck, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

He pried her arms from around his neck, setting her from him. Her brows furrowed in confusion, suddenly realising he was outside her door instead of waiting beneath the stairs. The man was in his bedclothes, he was wearing nothing but a pair of low slung trousers and a light linen tunic and his feet were bare. Though she was standing in the hall in her nightdress, but all the same, why was he standing outside her door. 

 

Her green gaze met his amber one; his brow was furrowed in a deep, disconcerting frown. 

“Cullen? What is wrong? Has something happened?” Her heart began to beat frantically in her chest. Was it Jowan? Neria?

“It’s Anders. He’s been captured.”

Her heart stopped.


	8. Chapter 8

Anders….Captured…. 

Solona’s heart stopped. Her mind reeled with all number atrocities that could have befallen her friend.

Maker! Sweet Andraste! Fuck!

It had been months. Previously he had been caught within a few days or hours. Neria, Jowan and herself had assumed he had gotten away, perhaps even out of Fereldan. At least that was what they had hoped. They didn’t speak of Anders, for dwelling on him only brought up questions they would prefer not to have answers for. 

"Where is he? What happened?” She asked, releasing a harsh breath, her gaze met Cullen's, he was eyeing her warily, his expression blank. Fear and panic clutched her heart.

"Cullen?" She grasped his face roughly between her hands. "What happened! Where is he now?" panic and anger rose in equal measure, her voice rising.

"They smote him..." Solona inhaled sharply, dropping her hands to her side, her blood running cold. The Templars had smote him down! Maker!

"Where is he now?" Solona demanded harshly, glaring hard at Cullen. 

"The dungeons for now." The Templar before her ran his hand nervously up the back of his neck.

For now? What the fuck was that supposed to mean.

"Are they...will they...Greagoir... " She couldn't form the words for fear of the answer. Was Anders to be made tranquil?

"Greagoir means to put him in solitary confinement. I understand this is not the first time."

"No, " Solona shook her head. “It’s not” She had tried to warn him, but the fact that he remained un-captured gave her hope that he had found the freedom he sought. 

"He should not have run Solona, he made himself an apostate." 

She snorted, so the Templar comes out at long last, along with her anger. Cullen features softened as he reached to comfort her but she shrugged from his reach, his words echoing in her ears.

Apostate.

"Would you hunt me? Smite me for wanting more than the Chantry allows me? Make me tranquil on Greagoir orders?" She snapped.

He blanched, colour draining from his face. She knew she was being unfair. Cullen was about to speak, a pained expression upon his features. No! She didn't want his answer!

"I’m sorry, that was unfair. But I want to see him."

"Sol..." 

"Please Cullen.” Solona unconsciously wrapped her arms about herself. "I need to see him, Cullen." Cullen ran his hand through his hair and down the back of his neck. 

“Fine, but for now, go back inside. I will return in an hour.”

************************

Cullen gripped her arm tightly as he hauled her down the corridor, his jaw set, eyes focussed ahead. The torch flames casting ominous shadows along the walls as they hurried past. Solona hung her head low, her loose flowing hair hiding her face. 

Cullen had indeed appeared at her door an hour later, wearing his full Templar regalia, including sword and shield. He had instructed her to silence, cautioning her to keep her head low. It wouldn't do well for her to be recognised in Cullen's company. Rumours already were already being whispered about the mages quarters. Thankfully so far that’s all they were, rumours.

He led her silently downstairs towards the basement. Cullen nodded curtly to the guards posted outside the dungeon as he pushed past them brusquely, then down yet another flight of stairs. Any further down and they would be underground. 

Cullen hurried along the dark dank corridor. The jailer didn’t even looking up from his copy of the randy dowager quarterly when they stopped abruptly before him.

"This one needs a night in the cells.” The jailer barely glanced up from his book as he tossed the key to Cullen. 

The jail was eerily silent, Solona had expected to find at least one other mage down here. Cullen released his hold on her once they reached the furthest cells. The stale smell of mildew and mould assaulted her senses, among other awful stenches. 

Do people never empty chamber pots down here! 

Cullen unlocked the solid oak door and then stood before it, barring Solona entry.

"You have ten minutes until the guards change. Then we must go." His voice was stern, brooking no argument; his handsome features were set, unyielding.

"Thank you." Solona nodded and Cullen stood aside, allowing her to step into the tiny room. 

The stench of vomit and urine assaulting her. She tried not to retch as she covered her mouth against the foul odours.

She blinked unto the darkness, seeing a shadow huddled in the furthest corner. Solona gasped, clasping her hand over her mouth. He looked so small. 

“Anders?”

He flinched at the sound of her voice, curling in on himself further. She conjured a small beam of mage-light to her palm, the blue hued light dancing across her skin.

His ripped clothes were soggy with filth and grime and blood, the metallic stench unmistakable. His beautiful dark blonde hair was caked with mud, it hung knotted to his shoulders, parts of it singed at the ends. 

She placed a gentle hand in his shoulder and he recoiled as though her hand was a hot iron, the purpled bruises visible through his torn robes. 

"Anders?" she said his name again, this time her turned to her. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at her friend. His dried, chapped lips had been split open; no doubt from a Templars gauntleted fist, dirt and dried blood was smeared across his face. He had two black eyes, an obviously broken nose and a multitude of deep cuts and gashes as well as several broken bones by the way he held himself. He was depleted of mana. Cullen had said they had smote him, but she had been unprepared for the aura of nothingness that enveloped him. 

She held herself together, her friend needed her and she could not crumble now, fighting the tears that threaten to spill.

"What are you doing here Sol?" His voice was soft, almost childlike. Broken. She had never heard him such and it broke her heart. He was always so vibrant and full of life. She was reminded suddenly why Templars were to be feared by her kind. 

"Cullen told me..."

"You should not have come." 

"Anders you need healing." She reached for his shattered hand, he pulled his arm away and he grimaced in pain. 

“Anders?" Her eyes pleaded with him in the low blue light.

"If you heal me here, like this, they will know, just leave me. Why did you come?"

"I needed to see if you were alright." A tight smile pinched his broken lips. Solona reached for him again, but he turned from her.

"As you can see, I am fine. Tis but a scratch." He tried to laugh but winced in pain. 

"Anders?"

"Please go," She made to argue again, but saw the tears begin to trail down his dirty cheeks, his usually sparkling eyes now dull and empty. Solona rose, extinguished the light and turned to leave. She would leave him with the dignity he clung to, what little the Templars had left him.

"Sol..." she stopped with her hand against the door.

"Please don't come again." 

 

Solona knocked lightly on the cell door and it swung open, Cullen standing on the other side. Her face was pale; her body began trembling the moment she stepped from Anders’ cell. She had never witnessed a Templars smite first hand or any form of brutality, and she wished now she hadn’t. She'd held herself together for Anders, but now she crumbled. Her stomach heaved and she doubled over, spilling the contents of her stomach. He chest rose and fell rapidly as she propped herself against the wall. Cullen stepped forward, wrapping his arms about her small form. Solona made to pull away but allowed him to lead her out of the dungeons.

Once out of the dungeons, he led them up one flight of stairs and Cullen steered her towards the storage room and closing the door behind them. Solona’s heart beat wildly and her eyes flared wide as he began shucking off his armour and working the clasps of his chest plates. He couldn't seriously think...

"Cullen," she couldn't keep the alarm from her voice. His amber eyes met hers, softening. He pulled her against the firmness of his chest and he slid to the floor, dragging her into his lap, enveloping her in his warm embrace. 

Solona felt a little embarrassed as her assumption, and released a harsh breath, curling against the warmth of him. She rested her head beneath his chin and one strong arm wrapped about her shoulders, the other stroking the length of her back. Finally Solona couldn't stop the tears from falling and she wept for her friend.

 

Cullen held her close until her breathing slowed, cradling her head against his chest. He had not the words to comfort her so he just held her close until her eyes had fluttered closed and she slept soundly against him. Until recently he hadn't questioned his orders or the Chantry.

Until Solona. 

Perhaps the Chantry was too hard on the magi. The mage Anders had always seemed harmless to him, as did most. He looked down to the woman cradled against him. Love and family had never been on the cards for him. The only thing he had ever wanted was to be a Templar and serve well. Yet he had never known a part of him was missing, he had been incomplete, until her.

And he knew he would protect her from harm until his dying breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this will be the last we see of Anders until the events of Awakenings, so its gonna be a while.
> 
>  


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i may have pinched and tweaked a couple things from the Cullen/Inquisitor romance and woven them into this chapter. :)

Days bled into weeks and weeks bled into months and all too soon an entire year had passed her by and Solona’s nineteenth birthday was fast approaching. 

She would be called for her harrowing soon.

Solona lived each day for the stolen moments she could spend with Cullen, tucked away in their small corner of the world. Many heated kisses and passionate embraces were shared in the little room, fumbling hands and eager lips desperate to explore each other. Other times she just sat quietly as he regaled her with stories from his childhood. He smuggled in a small chess set for her when she had begged him to teach her to play after Cullen telling her a particular entertaining story about the time his brother taught him to play, just so he could outwit his older sister Mia. 

The time they shared wasn't nearly enough, but more than she could ever have hoped for, enjoying being in each other’s company for a short time without prying eyes.

She was on her way to meet Wynne for the children’s lesson, passing by the Chantry on her way to the great library. As she drew level with the doorway, Jowan burst out, colliding with her, knocking her to the ground. 

"Sol, I'm...I'm sorry!" quickly he bent to help her up, his dark hair falling across his brow. 

"Maker's Breath Jowan! What's your hurry?" Solona asked, rubbing her bruised rear. He stepped back from her, cracking his knuckles nervously, bowing his head low so she could not meet his gaze and pry his secrets from his lips. 

Solona sighed heavily when it became clear he wasn't going to speak. They used to be so close; he was like her brother once, now he barely spoke to herself or Neria, closeting himself away in his quarters. She missed him dearly; and it seemed as though she had lost two close friends in the past year. Anders was still in solitary. It was only Neria and herself now. They didn't speak of Anders, though occasionally Cullen would update her on his well-being. Though sometimes Solona wished he wouldn't. It hurt too much. 

Solona shook her head and brushed past Jowan, who still refused to look at her. 

She pushed open the door to the library and set about setting up Wynne’s herbalism lesson for the children. She laid out parchment and ink pots and quills. Looking over Wynne class notes she set out the elfroot along with flasks, and distilling agents. They were going to teach them how to make a basic health potion. 

Soon the young magi started to arrive, their hands flying into the air to answers the senior enchanter’s questions with enthusiasm. Their thirst for knowledge made Solona’s heart soar and she took extensive class notes for Wynne. 

The class ended Solona began to clear away the remnants of potions, carefully stacking the used flasks into a box to take down to wash. 

"Solona, do you have a moment?" She looked up into the face of the senior enchanter, a strange expresses written in her features. 

“Of course, what is it Wynne." The old woman motioned for her to take a seat as Solona complied.

"As you may have heard, there are whispers of a potential blight on our hands." 

Solona nodded, she had heard such rumbling, though Cullen didn’t think it was anything she should be concerned about. "Yes, I have heard."

"Then you won't be surprised to hear that King Cailan has called for all able bodied mages to arms." Solona’s brows rose is surprise, her gaze met those of Wynne. The older woman took her hands in hers, her eyes softening. "Irving is sending the most experienced of us."

"No, Wynne, he can't send you!" 

"Why? Because I am old?" Wynne laughed at Solona’s stricken face

"No, Wynne that's not...no...I"

"It’s alright dear; I am going along as a healer. There should be no cause for me to fight.”

"Neria!" Solona’s thoughts going out to her friend who was now a full-fledged mage.

Wynne shook her head," No dear, she has not enough experience.” Solona was relieved, but still concerned for her mentor. Wynne was not young anymore, and Solona wondered if she ever was. She was so wise and knowing. 

"I have recommended to Irving that you take over my duties. Your harrowing will be upon you soon and I have every faith you are up to the task." Solona nodded absently, tightening her grip on the older woman's hands. 

"I will do my best Wynne.”

"I have one more thing I wish to discuss with you Solona; it is of a...delicate nature…” Solona eyed the old woman warily. She didn’t like the way Wynne was staring at her.

“It has not escaped my notice that you have grown close to the young Templar Cullen"

"No, Wynne...It’s not…" Solona began her denial, but was silenced as Wynne held up a finger.

"I was young woman once too my dear. I know the euphoria first love brings." Wynne sighed heavily, "and the regrets. In my youth I too had a lover, a Templar. We were very much in love." Solona watched as a wistful look passed over the older woman's face.

"But such pairings never end well, you cannot have a future together, you know this yes?" Solona twisted her hands nervously in Wynne’s, avoiding the woman’s gaze. She had refused to think about it, they were together now and that's all that mattered. At Solona’s continued silence Wynne went on. 

"I know you probably believe you are in love, and maybe you are. But I would suggest you put an end to it before things go any further, before the relationship is consummated." Solona blushed.

"These things can go very badly, for all involved. End it now and walk away with a broken heart. A broken heart can heal; it cannot be said for all hurts." 

Wynne released her hands and gave her a sad smile and rising to her feet. She turned back to Solona.

"Please Solona, it is for the best." And then she was gone, leaving Solona alone with her thoughts. 

**********************************

"Come, I have a surprise for you" Cullen took hold if her hand.

"Cullen, we are we going." He had accosted her outside the meal hall, and was presently dragging her up a narrow flight of stairs. She smiled to herself, as he slowed, shoving open an ancient door and ushering her up a rickety ladder. The space above opened up to an unused attic, the area mostly bare except for a few pieces of broken furniture.

Cullen unclasped his chest plate, and set it aside, something he was rarely comfortable doing. 

“Over here.” He ushered her forwards, wrapping his strong arms about her when they came to a small window, his chest pressed firmly against her back. 

She looked out to the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. The sun was setting behind Lake Calenhad; the sky bathed in burnt orange, the crystal clear waters of the lake glimmering like diamonds. Tears welled in her eyes. She hadn't so much as looked out a window since she was five years old. 

"It’s beautiful Cullen," she breathed, leaning back into his warm and comforting embrace. 

"I wanted to take you away from it, life here, if only for a moment. The village where I grew up had a lake not far from it, quite like this. It was always quiet, an escape from my sisters and brother.”

“Did you go there often?” Asked Solona and Cullen laughed, the sound music to her ears. He should laugh more often. She would endeavour to make it so.

“I love my siblings, but they were very loud. I would go there to clear my head. Of course they always found me eventually.” Cullen smiled.

“You were happy there.”

“I was. But I am happier here, with you.”

They stood in companionable silence for a long while, wrapped in each other’s arms, gazing out at the waning sun.

“The last time I was there was the day I left for Templar training. I was thirteen." 

"Still so young." 

Cullen nodded. "All I ever wanted was to be a Templar, to serve the order. The Templars at the village Chantry would humour me, taught me some basic swordplay. I begged my parents to let me join, though I was older than most recruits, I was a fast learner." Cullen shifted behind her and she turned in his arms.

“The day I was to leave for training, my brother and I were out by the lake. He gave me this.” Cullen held up a silver coin with an image of Andraste embossed on the front. “It just happened to be in his pocket but he said it was for luck. Templars are not supposed to carry such things. Our faith should see us through.” 

“A little luck can’t hurt every now and then.” Solona smiled up at him. 

“No, I suppose not.” His amber gaze met hers, burning with an intensity that seared right through to her very soul. “I never thought to find someone like you, to love someone, anyone. I thought my faith, the Chantry, was all I needed." Cullen took her hands between his, tenderly kissing each knuckle, before returning his heated gaze to hers.

“And yet, here I stand, with you. And I know now my heart was never whole without you in my life. I love you Solona, and I will love you until my last breath.” He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, brushing the tears of joy away from her cheeks. 

"I love you," he whispered against her lips, pressing the coin into her palm. Solona looked at the worn coin in her hand. 

"Oh, Cullen, I cannot take this." her emerald eyes glistened as she tried to hand it back. It was too much, the only memento he had from his former life. He shook his head, closing her slender fingers over the coin.

“I want you to have it, please. Something to look upon in darker moments and know that you have my love. Forever and always.”

Solona could feel the sting of new tears. What did she ever do to deserve such a man? “I’ll keep it safe. Forever and always.”

Cullen smiled broadly at her. “Good. I know it’s foolish but… I’m glad” He pulled her to him and pressed his forehead to hers before kissing her again. She wrapped her arms around his broad frame, her arms not quite reaching all the way. If only she had something to give him in return. 

"Oh," Solona begrudgingly pulled from his embrace suddenly realising she did and reached inside her robes for the small gold chain. Cullen shook his head as she held out the pendent. 

"Solona, it's all you have of your family." Solona gazed softly at him, her thumb absently tracing the crest on the pendant. Her true family had long abandoned her.

"You are my family now Cullen." She breathed, slipping the necklace into his hand. "I love you more than anything in this world. I thank the Maker every day that you came into my life." 

"I will treasure it always." 

She turned back to the window, leaning into his arms, sighing pleasantly as Cullen pressed kisses to the ivory column of her throat, his hands splaying across the flatness of her belly before threading his fingers together and resting them against her stomach. He raised his head and rested his chin upon her shoulder, their cheeks touching. 

The lovers were silhouetted against the glow of the fading sun, the chiming of bells unable to cut through the precious moment. 

************************

One week later, Cullen found himself seated across from Greagoir, the Knight-Commander having summoned him promptly at after the morning meal. 

"I have received orders from the Chantry. The decision had been made that you are to oversee your first harrowing." 

"Yes Knight-Commander,” Cullen nodded, he knew the day would come eventually, though the thought brought him no joy.

A shadow passed over Greagoir’s face. "You are to oversee the harrowing of Solona Amell."

Cullen paled visibly before his eyes, the young man's eyes widening almost comically. 

The older Templar sighed, running a hand down his face; he wished it had been anyone but mage Amell. He really didn’t want to have this conversation. But Wynne was beginning to become concerned and now with her gone, Greagoir was left to handle the situation. 

"Ser Cullen, it has not escaped my attention that you have grown close to Miss Amell, and I don't do this to be cruel; it really is out of my hands. I have orders to follow also." Greagoir leaner over his desk, catching the young Templar’s eye. 

"I will give you one piece of advice. End it. Immediately. " 

Cullen left Greagoir’s office, a heavy feeling if dread settling in the pit if his stomach. 

He felt Ill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i have no idea who Greagoir would answer too, hence the vague "chantry"
> 
>  


	10. Chapter 10

Solona stepped into the harrowing chamber, her whole body quivering in fear. She'd always known this day was coming, but that did nothing to soothe her frayed nerves. Her mind swam and her vision blurred, and Irving’s words washed over her unheard. Her eyes alighted on the basin in the centre of the chamber. A soft bluish glow emanated from the liquid held inside. 

Lyrium. 

She glanced about the room. Irving and Greagoir were present as expected and beside Greagoir a helmed Templar, decked out in full armour. The Templars hand shook visibly as it rested on the hilt of his sword. He was no doubt there to slay her should anything go awry Solona thought, her lips curling with distaste. 

She pulled her gaze from the three in the room and took a tentative step toward the basin. Taking the goblet Irving proffered, she took a sip of the bitter liquid. And her world went black. 

 

*******  
A cowardly part of Cullen was glad for the helmet. She hadn't seemed to recognise him. His heart beat a rapid tattoo in his chest and his hand shook as it rested on the hilt of his sword. Fear and panic flooded his body and it took everything he had to not rush forward as she collapsed in the First Enchanter arms, the older man lowering her gently to the floor.

Greagoir cast him a furtive glance, and Cullen steeled his resolve. He was a Templar, this is what he was trained for. But as he stared at his loves still form, Cullen was more afraid than he had ever been. And the order to which he had dedicated his life to was responsible. His gut churned and he shifted uncomfortably at his post. Would his happiness all come to a screeching halt by his own hand?

Solona let out a shrill shriek, and her body began convulsing. Instinctively he unsheathed his sword, ready should an abomination burst from her flesh, a reflex. Shame washed over him following his actions, and Cullen cursed the training that was so deeply ingrained in his soul. 

Greagoir shook his head almost imperceptibly, “She has encountered the demon." 

Cullen’s hand tightened painfully around the sword as he gazed in horror at the woman he loved. Her body writhing and contorting as she fought the demon in the fade. She began to struggle so much that Irving and Greagoir were forced to pin her down, while Cullen stood rooted to the spot, unable to speak or move. 

After what felt like an eternity she finally became still. Irving and Greagoir shared a look "That's the quickest harrowing I've ever seen," murmured Greagoir. Irving nodded. 

Culled pulled his helmet off and stepped forward, uncaring if he was breaking protocol.

"Is she..." he reached for her, but pulled his hand back. He felt sick to the pit of his gut. Irving turned a sympathetic eye to Cullen and Greagoir’s eyes narrowed. Cullen met the older man's gaze. 

"She lives." Somehow this news didn't alleviate the dread that had nestled in the pit of his stomach. 

"You may go Cullen. Irving and I will see Miss Amell back to her quarters." The First Enchanter scooped Solona up in his arms and stepped past Cullen. He made to follow, but was stopped by a gauntleted hand upon his shoulder. 

"The girl is no longer your concern Cullen." Greagoir spoke quietly, yet sternly in his ear. 

"Leave her be, trust me, tis for the best." 

Cullen was left in the harrowing chamber, scared and ashamed. He made it back to the barracks before spilling the contents if his stomach. Shaken to his very core. 

*********

Solona awoke with a start, Jowan’s face inches from hers. 

“Jowan!” She groaned, bringing her fingers to massage her throbbing temples. She was sure the pain was going to split her skull open, and nausea threatened to overwhelm her. 

"You’re awake." Jowan thrust a glass of water in her face as she struggled to sit, biting back the bile that rose in her throat. She took the offered glass, taking a small sip lest her stomach eject its contents. They hadn’t told her she would feel ill after. 

Jowan straightened, relief washing over him. "What was it like?" He asked eagerly. 

Solona glared at her so called friend, placing the glass on the small carved table beside her bed, her stomach feeling slightly more settled. He had barely spoken to her in months. 

"You know I cannot tell you that Jowan." She replied, her emerald gazed pinned him, and he shifted nervously under her scrutiny.

"Come on Sol, we've been friend’s forever." he pleaded.

"Really Jowan? You don't even speak to me anymore. Why should I tell you?" She snapped angrily. He looked away, shamed and suddenly he looked like a little boy again, the little boy who had been her first and best friend. 

Solona sighed, her momentary anger evaporating, relenting she gave him an answer. "I had to fight a demon in the fade." 

"They are going to make me tranquil." Jowan burst out abruptly.

"What? Don't be ridiculous Jowan, why would they do that?" The thought did little to settle her already upset stomach. 

"They think I'm a blood mage." He said, cracking his knuckles.

Solona couldn't help the laughter that burst forth. "Oh Jowan, don't be silly. I'm sure your time is coming." The idea was absurd.

"I've been here longer than you Solona, by rights I should have completed my harrowing by now." 

"I'm sure your just overreacting Jowan." 

"Maybe," but he didn't sound convinced. “In any event, Irving wishes to see you when you’re ready.” Jowan retorted sharply as he left without another word.

Solona frowned. Jowan was certainly acting strange, as if anyone thought of him as a blood mage. The idea was absurd. He shied away from healing because he hated the sight of blood. 

Rubbing her temples against the throbbing ache and the enigma that was Jowan’s behaviour she stood, swaying slightly before steadying herself. If she ever so much as saw a demon again it would be too soon. 

Solona made her way down the corridor towards Irving’s office, listening to the latest gossip from the apprentice’s quarters on her way past. Just the usual, blood mage alleged to be still running rampart through the tower, Cullen's supposed crush on her, and one horrible snippet about an apprentice opting for tranquillity rather than submit to their harrowing. Solona shuddered, how anyone could make such a choice? 

Lost in thought she almost collided with a wall of solid armour, noting how the Templar within stammered her name. 

"Cullen!" Her eyes lit up and her heart began to race as he removed his helmet. Odd that he was in full armour? 

"So...Sol...Solona" he managed to get out, his cheeks blushing scarlet. She smiled nervously up at him. She had decided long ago, should she survive her harrowing, that she would give Cullen the only true that was hers alone, the one thing that Chantry could not claim. 

"I'm glad to see your harrowing went well..." 

“Thank you Cullen," Solona took a step forward, reaching for him. Fear flashed across his features as he recoiled from her touch. 

"Cullen?" her brows knit together in a frown. What had happened, since when was he afraid of her? 

"They picked me as the Templar to strike the killing blow...should...should you have become an abomination." His words were rushed, hurried and Solona barely grasped his meaning. 

"It’s nothing personal...I swear it...Solona?” Her mouth fell open and the nausea that had threatened earlier returned with vengeance, a tight knot forming in the pit of her belly.

"Would you really have struck me down Cullen?" Solona regretted the question as soon as it passed her lips. That was unfair. 

“I would have felt terrible about it. But I serve the Chantry and the Maker. And I will do as I'm commanded.” He turned his face, and Solona clenched her fist tightly against the mounting anger building inside her chest. 

"Well, forgive me for distracting you from your duties." Solona snapped her ire rising. Fuck the Maker! Fuck the Chantry! Why, must everything in her life be dictated too! Cullen's eyes flared wide at her outburst, hurrying to reassure her. 

"You’re not distracting... I mean you are. But, well you’re not...I mean..." Solona watched him flounder for words, suddenly feeling guilty, all anger fleeing her body as quickly as it came. She really ought to try stop being for hot-headed. It wasn't Cullen's fault. He was just following orders, as she had rules to live by. 

"Cullen," she soothed, cupping his cheek gently and forcing him to look at her. "It’s alright, really, I know you’re a Templar, you have duties." Had she not discussed this with Neria regarding Carroll? 

"It’s not," Cullen whispered, "had Greagoir ordered it, I would have had no choice." 

“It doesn’t matter now Cullen.” He shook his head, refusing to meet her gaze. 

"Maybe we could go elsewhere and talk about this Cullen. Perhaps celebrate my not becoming an abomination?" Solona bit her lip. heat flushing to her cheeks. 

"Elsewhere? What do you mean?" Solona blinked, was he being serious? He must be more shaken up than Solona realised.

"We can, get to know each other better..." Her heart was racing, her face flushed, Cullen's brows drew together. She smiled coyly, reaching up on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "Tonight, in my new quarters..." 

He drew back, pushing her away. "If your saying...what I think...I think you’re saying...that would be really inappropriate...I couldn't..." 

“Inappropriate? Cullen?" Her heart stopped and her features crumbled as she held back the tears that glistened in her eyes, it was not as though they hadn’t been intimate in other ways. Why was it now inappropriate?

"I...I should go." Cullen stammered, hurrying away without awaiting her reply.

She watched broken hearted as Cullen walked away, her heart breaking in two as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. 

******

Cullen lay in his bed that night, staring at the wooden slats of the upper bunk, the loud snores of sleeping Templar doing nothing to soothe his riotous mind to sleep. The day’s events still plagued him causing him to drift in and out of restless sleep and waking agony.

He was still sick to his stomach over her Harrowing, sicker even still at how he had reacted to seeing her in the hall. Panic had seized him, and he had run, leaving her broken-hearted at Irving’s door. The woman he loved offered to share her bed and he rejected her so harshly. 

He was selfish. If it had been the worst day of his life how must it have been for her? He was a fool! She had endured the most difficult and defining moment of her life and survived. She had wanted to share her joy with him and he cut her down as readily with his words as any sword would have. Her eyes shone with pride and hope and love and he had broken her heart with his idiocy. 

He needed to set this right immediately. 

Cullen threw himself from his bed, his bare feet hitting the cold stone of the floor, sending a chill through him. He didn’t care who saw him leave, he needed to see Solona. He needed to fix this. Quietly he stalked through the corridors, careful to avoid the night patrols, until he found himself standing before her door in the Mages quarters. 

He brought a shaking hand to knock on her door. Would she even want to speak to him after today? He prayed she would give him a chance to explain, to beg her forgiveness for his foolish idiocy.

He heard muted sounds from behind the heavy door before it swung open. Solona appeared before him bleary eyed from sleep, in her white cotton nightgown, golden tresses cascading in waves, beautifully dishevelled.  
“Cullen?”

Before he could stop himself, instead of apologizing he kissed her, cupping her delicate face between his hands, one hand fisting in her hair. She responded eagerly, her tongue dancing across his lips. She pulled back from him, grinning widely; she grasped his shirtfront and pulled him into her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few of these chapters have been a bit rough, but i'm hoping you are all enjoying the story regardless, i really want to tell this story. My other fics are a lot more smoother.
> 
> But, things should pick up after this chapter, fingers crossed :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut + teesny, weeny angst + smut + fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i just finished suffering through the trauma that is Solas/Lavellan after playing Trespasser a second time, which left me feeling uber sad yet again. I needed to cheer myself up, so back to Cullen/Amell for smutty fun times...

She pushed him back against the door and his mouth come crashing down upon hers in a fiery kiss. His steely arms wrapped around her, pulling her tight against him, his arousal hard against her hip. Her small, slender hands were as his face, in his hair and the heady scent of her was intoxicating as she clung to him, her tongue darting into his mouth and he moaned against her.

"I'm sorry, Solona,” Cullen gasped between breaths, "I'm so sorry,”

Her response was to press a slender finger to his lips, silencing him. She smiled, taking his hand in hers, walking backwards and leading him towards her bed. The tremor in her hands betraying her nervousness, her piercing emerald gaze never leaving his as she sat on the edge of the narrow bed.

His mouth went dry as he stared, his erection straining painfully in his trousers. She patted the bed beside her, and he took a tentative step, then another until he found himself seated beside her. 

She reached out, cupping her hands on his cheeks, her thumbs brushing over the light stubble. She pressed her lips to his and felt him stiffen under her touch. Drawing back, she smiled, one hand taking his in hers, the other remaining on his flaming cheek.  
"It’s alright Cullen, I love you.” She whispered as she brought his hand to her breast. He groaned, squeezing the tender flesh, circling his thumb over her nipple, her eyes flittered closed and a low moan elicited from her lips. 

“I want you.” She sighed breathlessly, her eyes fluttering open. “Make love to me Cullen.”

“Maker, yes.”

He brought his lips to hers and she pulled him down on top of her, forcing Cullen to shift his weight as not to crush her. She was so small beneath his larger frame. 

She revelled in the weight on him atop her, and fire burned hot in her loins as he showered her with kisses, he leaned over her, his lips slanted over hers, his tongue plundering her mouth. He drew her lower lip between his teeth, one arm braced above her head, the other sliding up her thigh. Her skin was unusually hot to the touch, an effect if her fire magic as sweat beaded her brow. She moaned obscenely as his calloused fingers brushed against her sex hesitantly through her smalls before dipping his thumb beneath the band to trace gentle circles against the sensitive nubbin between her thighs. 

Burning embers smouldered behind her eyes, her skin blazing with a scorching heat as she writhed and moaned beneath his touch, hair fanned out like a golden halo, shinning in the candlelight. Cullen smiled against her burning flesh as he trailed tender kisses down her throat; Cullen slid the course cotton from her shoulders, pressing soft butterfly kisses across her salty skin. He traced the curve of her delicate cheekbones with his knuckles. Her eyes closed, her head lolling back, lips parted in a silent O as his thumb increased its paced, her breath coming in short gasps and she moaned loudly beneath his touch, her orgasm hitting her so suddenly as she fell apart in his arms. 

She released a mewling whimper when he withdrew his hand from her sex and he slid his arm beneath her. Cullen pulled her closer to his hardness, and she couldn't help the involuntarily thrust of her hips, and she heard him groan against her, his teeth grazing her nipple through her nightgown. His lips retuned to hers, he groaned, his arousal evident as he rutted against her hip. Slender fingers knotted tightly in his hair, her nails raking across the back of his tunic, drawing him against her breasts as his hands skated up her quivering thighs, her skin burning hot. She slid her hands lower, squeezing his firm buttocks between her palms and she felt him smile against her. 

The tiny room was filled with passionate moans and sighs, and Solona was set to combust, every inch of her was aflame, her body gleaning with perspiration.

"I need you inside me Cullen," Her whisper hot in his ear sent a shiver of desire shooting through him as her fingers fumbled to loosen the ties of his breeches, pulling them swiftly down to his ankles. Culled kicked the offending garment away, his hands bunching her gown at her hips, tearing at the ties of her smallclothes. 

He positioned himself at her entrance, hovering above her and he hesitated, his mouth suddenly dry. There would be no turning back from here. He would be bound to this woman utterly and completely. The order, the vows he had lived by most his life would be left broken, scattered like ashes in the winds. 

And he didn’t care. He loved her, she was everything and more. If the chantry deemed this a sin, they he would gladly burn for her.

"Cullen...please." Solona begged, pulling him down to her. 

His entry was not smooth, his eagerness getting the better of him as he pushed through her virginity, burying himself deep. Her nails dug painfully into his back he was sure she drew blood, and she cried out, gritting her teeth.

"Solona!” Cullen tried to remain still, she was so hot and moist and tight around him. A guttural groan escaped him; he had never felt anything like it as he fought the urge to move lest he hurt her further. 

"Tis alright, Neria said it hurts a little at first." When he still didn't move, she thrust her hips upwards against him, a pleasured groan sounding low in his throat. She thrust again when he still didn't move, a spike of pleasure shooting through her. 

Solona grasped his face between her hands, pulling him in for a gentle kiss, lust and uncertainty warring in is amber eyes. 

“It’s alright Cullen.”

When he began to move his movements were slow at first, hesitant, filling her, stretching her and Solona never knew how incomplete she had been, the delicious burn of him sheathed deep was enough to drive her wild, pulling sighs and gasps of pleasure with each erratic thrust. Instinct guided them as his movements became quicker, their breathing came raggedly as he panted above her, groaning louder, thrusting harder, faster, claiming her with a primitive possessiveness, as he watched her thrash wildly beneath him. Her passion matching his own as her body arched into him.

Their bodies beaded with sweat, Solona felt like she was on fire, burning white hot, Cullen's kisses trailing down her throat. Her hands slid beneath his tunic, caresses the strong muscles of his back, undulating beneath her slender fingers as he moved within her. 

He felt her tighten around him, candle flames exploded dangerously as she cried out, and she shattered into a million pieces in his arms. It was enough to send Cullen over the edge, ecstasy bursting over him as he spilled his hot seed deep within her before collapsing against her, breathing heavily.

He rolled them over, so she was lying atop him, still deep within her, their passion satiated. She lay with her head against his chest, her breasts pressed against him, their legs still tangled. She brushed his hair from his face and just continued to stroke his mussed curls, she closed her eyes and a contented smile spread across her lips before sleep stole her away.

********

Cullen traced lazy circles on her back as the woman he loved dozed quietly on his chest. He refused to sleep, soaking up as much of this moment as he could. Who knew when they would get an opportunity like this again? It wouldn’t be too long before she had a few roommates. The Chantry allowed the mages one night on their own before they were moved to the dormitories. 

Cullen’s brow darkened at the thought of the Chantry. No! He wouldn’t let his doubts and fears sour this moment. 

He gazed lovingly at Solona, his heart near bursting. Her golden tresses draped across her shoulders, her hand tucked up beneath her chin, lips slightly parted. Cullen had never been happier in his life, couldn’t fathom anything that could possibly dampen the joy in his heart. 

He leaned up, gently pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder. She stirred slightly, a smile tugging at her lips and her eyes fluttered open.

“I did not mean to wake you,” Cullen smiled, continuing to trace his fingers across her back. 

“You are far more interesting than the fade Cullen.” Solona leaned up, running her finger through his dishevelled curls and planting a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Speaking of the fade, I must say, raw lyrium tastes positively vile!” She scrunched her nose in distaste. 

Cullen laughed a deep rumbling sound. “I know, it really does.” Solona stilled above him, her green eyes narrowing sharply.

“What do you mean ‘I know’, how would you know that Cullen?” Cullen paused, his hands freezing their ministrations as he avoided her gaze. She sat up suddenly, and Cullen groaned as her heat brushed against him, his cock twitching involuntarily as she sat straddling his hips. There was no way she didn’t notice.

“Cullen?” He met her gaze hesitantly, her features softening at the indecision hidden behind his amber eyes. Nervously he rubbed at the back of his neck. 

“It’s what gives Templars their abilities.” A deep crease forming on her delicate brow. He hated to see her frown such. 

Cullen sighed, “The Chantry supplies the Templar Order with their lyrium and monitors its distribution.”

“So they keep you all drugged, making sure you follow orders, or what? They cut you off?” She spat, her body tensing as her temper rose.

“It’s not like that Solona, it’s just the way it’s always been. It’s what the Templars need to con…” 

“To control the mages?” She snapped, cutting off his words.

“Solona.”

“A lyrium leash.” She muttered in disgust. “The chantry controls the Templars just as they do the mages, only the Templars are too lyrium dependent to realise!”

He blanched at her harsh words, he didn’t want to argue with her. Not over this, not after their perfect night.

“Could you stop, if you chose to? Would the Chantry allow it?” She asked so suddenly that she seemed shocked by her own question.

“I…I… I’ve never thought about it. But I hardly think I would be any use to them without my abilities.”

Solona sighed heavily, pinning his gaze. “Hypothetically, could you stop?” 

“Hypothetically, yes I supposed. But the risk is high. The withdrawal… it could kill me Solona.” Her eyes widened at his statement. Cullen exhaled heavily closing his eyes as she bit her bottom lip. He knew she was biting back and angry retort. She was silent for a long time.

“I’m sorry Cullen, I’ve ruined it haven’t I? I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I just say things without thinking sometimes, hurtful things.” He opened his eyes to see her crestfallen features. 

Cullen smiled, reaching up to cup her face between his palms. “No Solona, you haven’t ruined it.”

Solona grinned at him, “I can make it up to you Cullen.” She reached down tugging at the hem of her nightgown, and, ever so slowly drew it over her head, revealing all to him in the soft glow of the candlelight. She reached down pulling at the hem of his tunic and he helped her remove it, tossing the garment to the floor where their clothes lay scattered. 

She leaned down, kissing him softly, trailing kisses along his throat. She shuffled back, moving to the broad planes of his chest, her tongue flicking over his nipple. She giggled when he gasped at her attentions. 

She sat up reaching between them and taking him in her hand raising herself up on her knee awkwardly, positioning herself above him.

He grasped her hips and lowered her gently onto his length, groaning closing his eyes, savouring the feel of her, as she sunk down on him.

Her small hands tightly gripping his shoulder as she slowly began to move against him, moving her hips up and then down, her hair fanned about her face and shoulders like a golden halo, bathed in the glow of the candlelight. HIs hands drifted to her breasts, gently caressing, her creamy skin bathed in golden light.

Maker she was perfect! 

The image of her like this was burned into his memory as he drank in the sight of her, head tossed back, the fullness of her pink lips parted, and nails digging into his shoulders as she panted above him.

She rode him until sweat beaded her brow and her body burned with white hot heat, their bodies perfectly matched, as they were made for each other alone. They rode the waves of their pleasure together, ripples of ecstasy bursting over them in unison, voices cried out and flames flared, before they collapsed in mass of sweat and tangled limbs. 

Sleep claiming them both. 

**********

Cullen slept only for a short time, wrapped in the warmth of her tight embrace; birdsong chiming through the slit windows awoke him. One shapely leg was still flung over his hip, one arm lay across his chest, the other tucked beneath her chin. She looked so serene and peaceful, save for the snoring. Cullen laughed quietly to himself. How such a sound could come from someone so beautiful and delicate he just couldn’t know.

He leaned across, placing a soft kiss on her brow, extracting himself from her embrace careful so as not to wake her. He would happily lay in her arms the rest of his life, but he should get back before he was discovered. She groaned slightly before snuggling back into the bedding. 

Cullen quickly dressed in the dim light, the candles having long since burned out. He moved to her bedside, drawing up the covers and tucking her beneath them. He thumbed a strand of golden hair between his fingers and contemplated waking her. 

Deciding to let her sleep, he dropped a soft kiss to her cheek, whispered ‘I love you’ in her ear and slipped quietly into the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So opinion time. This is pretty much the last interaction i've planned with Cullen and Solona before Jowan swoops in and screws up everything.
> 
> THANKS ALOT JOWAN!!!
> 
> Any who, as i was saying, i am prone to going for angst and drama in my writing,(plenty of that lies ahead should you continue to follow along) but just wanted some thoughts of what you guys might like. 
> 
> Would you like me to squeeze in just one more little fluffy interaction before their world crumbles???


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, one last fluffy before shit goes down...it kinda escalated...

Solona awoke with the first rays of light filtering through the tiny slit windows. Early morning birdsong reached her ears as she stretched languidly across the narrow bed, green eyes squinting in the early morning light. Solona rolled to her side, sliding her arm across the empty space beside her, still warm from when Cullen had laid just a short time ago. 

A wide grin adorned her lips, a blush heating her cheeks as memories of their lovemaking came back to her. It had been perfect, the way her kissed her, the way he touched her, for both their inexperienced it had been the best night of her life. 

Solona gazed at her clothing strewn across the floor, smiling when she spied her small clothes. Cullen had actually snapped the ties in his eagerness. 

Letting the sheet drop, she slipped her feet from the bed, the icy floor causing a shiver. 

Solona shrieked as her door burst open, snatching up the sheet to cover her nakedness.

"How was it?" Came Neria’s voice as her friend plopped herself down in the bed. "Carroll said Cullen wasn't in his bunk last night.'' Neria grinned at a red faced Solona, who couldn't stop grinning despite her embarrassment. 

"It was amazing!" Solona gushed throwing herself back on the bed. "Oh Neria, it was perfect, I've never been so happy.” 

*******************

The two girls were still whispering conspiratorially and giggling when they entered the breakfast hall. Solona was surprised to see Jowan already at breakfast, he rarely joined them anymore. Dark circles marred his eyes and he looked incredibly pale. 

"Morning Jowan!" Said Neria, sliding in beside him with her breakfast tray. 

"I'm famished!" Exclaimed Solona, scooping up her spoon and shovelling in a mouthful cinnamon porridge. 

"I'm not surprised with your evening’s exertions! Perhaps you should take some if those pastries to Cullen should he too, be famished." Neria teased. Solona sputtered, almost chocking on her food. Jowan’s brows shot up in surprise.

"Neria!" 

"What!" Neria asked innocently.Solona shook her head, cheeks blazing, suddenly intently focused on her breakfast. 

Quickly the conversation turned to inane small talk, mostly between Neria and herself, Jowan focused intently on his food as Solona told her friends of Duncan, the grey warden she had met. The two girls sighed wistfully at the romantic heroism of the wardens. When the world was at its darkest, with no hope in sight, the warden rode in on their griffins, snuffing out the blight that would consume the world. The life of a Grey Warden must be so exciting.

Solona quickly finished her breakfast, stuffing some cinnamon pastries into her pockets and heading to the library see Cullen. 

********************

Cullen was standing at his post, talking quietly with Carroll when she approached. The other Templar grinned widely at her and Solona felt the heat rush to her cheeks. 

Her eyes met Cullen's and she moved to the backs of the stacks knowing that Cullen followed closely behind. He came to stand before her, and she reached into her pockets for the pastries. 

"Solona" 

She stopped to look up at him. A gentle smile tugged at the corners of his lips. He pulled her hand from her pocket, cinnamon sugar coating her fingertips. Slowly he turned her hand, placing a soft kiss to her open palm. His amber gaze smouldered as his eyes met hers and Solona’s heart beat rapidly in her chest. There was such desire in his eyes; such unabashed passions that she felt as though his gaze alone would set her aflame. 

Holding her gaze he brought her sugar coated fingers to his mouth, his lips closing around her finger, gently sucking the sweetness from the slender digit. Cullen made the action look so wicked. Solona’s belly did flips as he suckled on her fingers, his tongue flicking over the tips. Releasing her hand he repeating the process with her other hand, his gaze never leaving hers. 

Cullen's arms encircled her narrow waist, drawing her flush against the cool expanse of his chest plate. Hot lips found the ivory column of her throat, trailing burning kisses, his tongue tasting the sweet saltiness of her skin. Solona melted against him, a low moan passing her lips.

"I am sorry I could not stay," Cullen murmured against her throat. "Would that I could, I would never leave your side" His tongue moved to trace the shell of her ear, sending a shiver of pleasure right to the pit of her belly. 

"I would make love to you forever, until you forgot the world and everything in it." Solona head fell back against the shelves, her eyes fluttering closed as Cullen's mouth traced the delicate curve of her collar bone. Her breath caught as he brushed his thumbs over her nipples through the course wool. 

"Until you forgot your own name, and cried out mine." His lips met hers in a soft, yet unyielding kiss. His hands wandered lower, one grasping her derrière, pulled her intimately against his hardness, his other creeping beneath her robes, his fingers stroking her intimately over her small clothes. 

Solona green eyes flared wide, pulling away, her lips parted, breath laboured, Cullen's amber gaze meeting hers. His own eyes widening as though he only just now realised he had her pinned against the bookshelf, with his hands beneath her robes in broad daylight. 

"Solona...I...I’m" His cheeks reddened as he stuttered before her, dropping his hands. 

Without thinking, Solona took his hand, tugging him further back into the stacks, to the farthest corner, darkened and smelling of unused books. 

Desire still burned in his eyes, though his whole body was rigid with uncertainty. The desire pooling between her thighs was uncomfortable, her body aching for him. Growing bolder than she felt, she reached one hand up to cup the base of his skull, drawing him down to her mouth, both ther lips hungry to taste of one another, and her other hand reached for the ties of his breeches. 

"Your magic?" He breathed against her lips.

"I can control it," she whispered

Cullen growled against her lips, knocking her hand away, deftly unlacing the ties that confined him as Solona hiked her robes to her hips.

Cullen lifted her against him, her legs wrapping about his waist, their lips never parting as he pulled her smalls aside and drove into her depths.

Her mouth fell open and her eyes fluttered closed as Cullen began moving within her. What sight should they be discovered. Robes bunched to her hip, legs wrapped Cullen’s waist as he held her pinned against the dusty shelf. 

And she didn't care.

Everything was still so new to them both, the delicious feeling of him sheathed deep inside her. She would spend the rest of her life learning every line, every scar on his body.

Cullen’s gentle thrusts quickly grew faster, his face buried in the hollow of her throat. Solona supressed the urge to moan loudly, instead squeezing her thighs, pulling him deeper, drawing a guttural sound from his throat. She felt her body begin to shudder, spiralling toward her peak.

She bit down on her lip, the metallic taste on her tongue as she clung to him, Cullen grunted into her shoulder, his teeth biting down as he spilled himself deep inside, her own orgasm crashing over like waves of pure pleasure. 

They clung to each other for only a few moments, reluctantly separating, Cullen's seed sticky on her thighs. She quickly smoothed her hair and readjusted her robes as Cullen hurriedly tied the laces of his breeches. 

Solona reached up to run her fingers through the soft golden curls, his cheeks still flushed. He smiled brightly at her, leaning down and pressing a soft, lingering kiss to her mouth.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips before turning to move away. Solona grasp his hand, her thumb tracing the back if his hand. 

"Meet me tonight, the attic?" Cullen smiled. 

"I will count the breaths till then." 

Solona waited a few moments before leaving, shoving her hands in her pockets, her fingers finding the squashed pastries. 

***************

By the time Solona emerged from the shelves, Cullen was nowhere to be seen. Carroll however was wearing the biggest shit eating grin she had ever seen. She quickly retreated from the library; she needed some things from Owain to set up for her afternoon classes. She was pleased with how the young mages responded to her teaching; she hoped Wynne would be proud. She hurried around past the mages quarters, only to find Jowan standing outside her room. 

"Solona!" Her brows knit together in a deep frown; he seemed unusually jovial, like his old self. 

"What is it Jowan," Solona couldn't keep the annoyance from her tone, crossing her arms across her chest, Jowan noticed and flinched slightly. 

"Will you come with me, please? I need your help." Solona’s brows shot up, laughing humourlessly.

"My help? Jowan, you've cut me out for so long now, why the sudden need for my assistance. "

"Because you’re the only person I can trust." His dark eyes were wide and pleading, like a lost puppy. Solona groaned, when put like that, how she could refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i have been madly trying to get a couple of chapters ahead. I am participating in NaNoWriMo next month so have been getting prep sorted for that. I'm hoping to finish my novel, or a fair chunk of it.
> 
> I have also completed final edits on my novella and have sent it of to a real life editor, so i am anxiously awaiting its return.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, sorry, sorry this has taken soooo long to get up!  
> I have been busy getting my original works ready for submission to a publisher.  
> But i've finally got the next chapter. I hope to have another up a bit later tonight.

Solona followed down the corridor. Her mood somewhat soured by Jowan’s presence. What could he possibly need from her after all this time? 

She was surprised when he veered into the Chantry. She stopped just inside, she never felt comfortable inside their walls. 

There was a young woman kneeling in silent prayer, an initiate. She watched cautiously as Jowan approached her. Suddenly the pieces began to fall into place as Jowan embraced her. 

They turned to her awestruck face, solona quickly concealing the hurt that he had kept this from her, when he knew everything about Cullen. 

He motioned for her to join them and her feet shuffled forward of their own accord. 

"Solona, this is Lily" Jowan introduced the young woman. 

"This is why you've cut me out Jowan? Because you’re in love?"

"Lily is a Chantry initiate, Sol. She is forbidden to have...relations." 

"So are Templars Jowan!" she snapped, Lily flinched at her irate tone. 

"We had to keep it secret, if anyone found out!"

"Even from me? You were my closest friend Jowan." Tears glistened in her eyes, but she dashed them away, refused to let them fall. 

"Solona... "

"It's ok Jowan. I just wished you had told me. What did you need my help with?"

"We wish to leave, so we can be together. But they will hunt me. I need you to help destroy my phylactery." Solona just stared, dumbstruck. A vague memory of a conversation with Anders coming to mind.

"You want me to what!"

"They think I'm a blood mage, they are going to make me tranquil, Solona please!"

"Jowan, don't be ridiculous, they are not."

"It's true," Lily piped in, “I overheard Greagoir and Irving talking." 

"They will take everything that I am, they will take my love for Lily. You have to help."

Solona stared at her friend and the woman he loved. He had been like her brother, her closest friend. She could never abandon anyone to tranquillity, and never Jowan. No matter that they had grown apart this past year.

And wouldn't she do anything possible to stay with Cullen. Jowan looked so happy with Lily. They deserved a chance. 

"Alright, what do you need me to do?"

_____________

Solona was severely wishing she was a lesser person. Obtain a rod of fire they said. Break into the phylactery chamber they said. No one mentioned she would have to run around half the day just to get the damn rod. 

Owain she understood. The tranquil had no choice but to follow the rules. Be she was sure Leorah was taking some unholy delight in making her clear out the spiders from the storage chamber. 

Some two hours later she emerged covered in webs and spider ichor, the unpleasant odour of mildew and mould clinging to her clothing. 

And the day had started out so well. 

But even thoughts of Cullen could not sweeten her sour mood right now. 

She returned to Owain with the appropriate paper work, and the tranquil in turn handed over the rod. Solona quickly tucked it inside her robes, a full mage not even a day and she was already requesting dangerous relics. She was silently thankful Wynn was not around, the woman had an uncanny knack for showing up right when mischief was afoot. 

Stomping down the basement steps, Solona thrust the rod at Jowan. This was not how she had seen her day going. 

"You need to put it in the lock," Lily told her. Solona stared at Jowan who was indicating for her to obey. She raised a golden brow incredulously. This was Jowan’s idea, why did she have to do it. 

With a deep sigh to signal her growing annoyance, she roughly jammed the rod into the lock as Lily whispered the pass phrase.

Nothing 

"Are you sure you did it right Sol?” 

She threw a glare over her shoulder "How many ways are there to melt a lock Jowan?" He shrugged and looked away. Solona grit her teeth, it was getting late and she had yet to start her duties. 

Solona quickly realised that they were going to have to go the long way round. 

 

The hairs raised on the back of her neck as the small group moved carefully down the corridor. Blue flames flared at her fingertips, as the spirit guardians fell upon them, Solona snatched the staff from her back, fending off her attackers. 

Chest heaving, gasping for breath and covered in spirit dust, Solona turned to Lily and Jowan. The two of them standing back staring slack jawed at her, Lily looked a little fearful.

“Thanks for the help.” She muttered beneath her breath.

She glared at the two of them and continued down the hall. She wanted this done with, the tight knot in her stomach twisting tighter every moment the lingered.

After once more battling through the guardians and blatantly ignoring the pleas from the Tevinter statue, she blew a gaping hole through the stone wall that separated them and the phylactery chamber.

“Hurry up Jowan!” she said, praying a legion of Templars hadn’t just heard the explosion. She didn’t want to have to explain this little excursion to Greagoir, or Cullen for that matter. 

“Here it is!” exclaimed Jowan, Lily smiling gently at him, and the annoyance fled from Solona’s body. 

They were so in love.

In his hand was a small phial of his blood. Such a small amount to trace an escaped apostate. Solona’s brow darkened. There was no way the Templars didn’t employ blood magic. 

Hypocrites!

She watched as Jowan dropped the phial, the shattered glass ringing out in the silent room. 

“Come on. Let’s get out of here before we are caught.” 

They had almost gotten away with it.


	14. Chapter 14

Solona didn't know whether to laugh or cry. No sooner had Jowan, Lily and herself exited the basement they were greeted by Greagoir and Irving’s angry faces and several Templars.

Solona was just grateful Cullen was not among them.

She had never seen the first enchanter so furious, his face almost purple with rage. Greagoir on the other hand, Greagoir she had seen angry, and it was not a pleasant thing to behold.

His eyes narrowed dangerously on Jowan. "So what you said was true Irving. An initiate conspiring with a blood mage. The Chantry cannot let this go unpunished." Solona felt physically sick, but she doubted spilling her guts all over the Knight-Commanders boots would help any. She swallowed back the bile building in her throat, focusing intently on a smudge on the floor. Perhaps if she stayed silent they would not notice her.

“Newly a mage and already flouting the rules” the Knight-Commander snarked.

So much for that idea she thought sourly.

"I'm disappointed in you. You could have come to me, told me what you knew of this plan. But you didn't." If Solona thought she couldn’t feel any worse, she was dead wrong. Irving’s words stung. She had been one of his star pupils.

"You don't care for the mages. You just bow to the Chantry’s every whim." Solona groaned as Jowan snapped at Greagoir. Stay silent you fool!

"Enough! As Knight-Commander I sentence this blood mage to death! And this initiate has scorned her vows take her to Aeonar."

"No! You can’t!" Jowan was no blood mage! She couldn’t just stand by and let this happen. Not to Jowan. Solona couldn't stop herself, she rushed toward Irving, grasping his arm and his eyes narrowed sharply.

"The...the mages prison, no, no." She heard Lily beg behind her.

"First Enchanter, please, you’re wrong, Jowan isn't..."

"No! I won't let you touch her!"

Solona spun to see Jowan snatch a dagger from inside his robes and she watched in horror as he sliced a deep gash across his hand. A dark look crossed his face and he mouthed "I'm sorry" to Solona before he raised his hand, dripping with blood. The crimson fluid swirled about him in a red mist.

Her stomach clenched, bile, hot and bitter burned her throat as Jowan sent the red cloud straight at the Templars, the four men screamed in agony, dropping to the floor and writing in pain. After a moment the men ceased to move and Solona lost the contents on her stomach, retching until her stomach ached.

What had Jowan done! Tears streamed down her face and she wiped the bitter taste from her mouth. Solona looked up in wide eyed shock to see Lily backing away in terror from Jowan. She really hadn't known?

"How, how could you?"  She was saying "You said you never!"

"I dabbled. I thought it would make me a better mage.” Jowan was saying, but she kept backing further away.

"Blood magic is evil Jowan. It corrupts, changes people." Lily spat angrily.

"I'm going to give it up, all magic. I just want to be with you lily, please come with me" Jowan took a step forward and she backed away again.

“I trusted you. I was ready to sacrifice everything to be with you. I...I don't know who you are. St...Stay away from me blood mage!" Lily shouted.

And Jowan ran, almost knocking her over on his flight. Solona couldn't believe what just happened. This couldn’t be real. Jowan a blood mage. Jowan who had been her first and best friend since childhood.

"And what shall we do with this one? We cannot let her involvement go unpunished!" Solona hadn’t even noticed Greagoir approach her. Her mind a whirlwind of scattered thoughts and emotions. What would happen to her? She had just been an accomplice to a blood mage.

Would they throw her in the dungeons to rot like Anders? Or worse, make her tranquil. A tight knot of fear formed in her gut and tears filled her eyes. She was not above begging for her life."

“Please, I..." She began, but her words were cut off before she could plead her case.

"I will take her." Solona stared as the Grey Warden stepped into the room. The large man’s voice booming across the space between them.

"I came here to recruit for the Wardens. I conscript this mage to our cause. She belongs to the wardens now."

Solona’s heart stopped. The Wardens? She was no warrior! She was barely a mage! Greagoir blustered for a moment, before Irving interceded.

"Very well. Miss Amell, you now belong to the wardens. You have one hour. Gather your things."

What! No! She couldn’t leave!

Solona glanced to Duncan who stared back at her with kind eyes. She nodded wordlessly, moving to pass Greagoir, arguing would do no good. He fate was sealed.

The Knight-Commander caught her as she brushed past him. "If you care for him at all Amell, make your goodbyes count. Do leave him to forever wonder if it was real."

Solona glanced at Greagoir, but he refused to meet her gaze. She doubted anyone heard him speak at all.

 ______________________

Solona ran. Tears streaming down her face. She needed to find Cullen, find Neria. She raced into the library, ignoring the disapproving glares, frantically looking about as tears blurred her vision.

"Carroll!" She shouted. What did she care? She were being sent from the only home she'd ever known. She grasped the Templar’s shoulders.

"Mage Amell!" The man’s eyes widened in surprise, glancing nervously about.

"Carroll where are they. Where's Cullen! Where's Neria!"

"Amell, what..."

"Where are they!" she screamed, a crowed gathering now.

"I...Cullen was sent to town to receive the latest lyrium shipment. He's not here Solona." Her hands slipped from Carroll's shoulders, and tears burned their way down her face as she stumbled back.

She wasn't going to get to say goodbye.

"What is happening?" She barely heard Carroll's voice, he sounded so far away now.

"I am leaving...the warden...conscripted me...Jowan, he lied to me..."

"Solona?" She turned slowly at the sound if Nerias voice.

"Neria..." The elven woman's arms came around her, leading her out of the library. She cried in her friend’s arms until her chest ached and her tears ran dry, blubbering the whole mess with Jowan into Neria’s shoulder.

Neria walked with her back to where Duncan was waiting. She moved as though through a dream, her feet gliding forward of their own accord. This wasn’t real.

She gripped Neria’s hand tightly in hers, wiping her tears away with the other.

"Tell him I love him, Neria. Tell him I'll fight tooth and nail to get back to him. We will see each other again. Make sure he understands. Please. Make sure he knows I didn’t want to leave him."

"I promise." Tears welled in Neria’s eyes as the two friends embraced for the last time.

"I'll miss you." Solona whispered into her friends hair.

"Be safe Sol, come back to us." 

"It is time to go Miss Amell." The Warden’s gruff voice announced behind her. Solona and Neria parted, Neria brushed a lock of Solona’s hair back, a sad smile upon her lips before she turned away.

Solona wiped the last of her tears and moved toward her new life without Cullen.

She was now sure of one thing, for as much as she loved Cullen.

She now hated Jowan more.

 ________________________

Cullen smiled to himself, his hand curling around the tiny box wrapped in brown paper and tied with course string.

It was a frivolous purchase, but he wanted to get something special for Solona. He knew she would never be able to wear his gift in public, but he wanted her to have it regardless.

His mood light, he practically bounded up the steps having unloaded the shipment and sent the Kester on his way.

He pushed the heavy oak doors open and headed through the tower toward the Templar barracks.

"Cullen?"

Cullen turned to see Neria standing against the far wall, her face stained with tears.

"Neria? What's happened?  Are you alright?"

She shook her head.

"It’s about Solona."  As she spoke his world fractured into a million pieces and he would never be whole again.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

It had been over a month since Solona had left with the wardens, and yet the ache in his heart had yet to lessen. He doubted it ever would. Carroll tried to console him, but there were no words to fill the emptiness that gnawed at him. Even Greagoir had offered a few muttered words of condolences, the Knight Commander awkwardly patting him on the shoulder before moving on.  
Blood mages! In the tower!  
He hadn't believed the rumors, none of the Templar had. Cullen fists clenched into tights balls at his side.  
Jowan! Solona’s own friend had dragged her into the mix, and she was lost to him.  
Neria had met him at the gates that day. Told him how Solona had promised to come back to him, but he knew more of the world than she, the likelihood of her return was slim. A little of his faith had been taken from him that day.  
Cullen had thrown himself into work, determined to seek out blood magic, Greagoir had been reluctant at first, believing him too emotional for the task, but had eventually relented when Cullen had begun his investigation regardless.  
So far he had turned up nothing.  
He glanced across the library, Carroll and Neria were talking quietly, the elven girl had been distraught herself that day, having lost two friends in a single day.  
A pang of jealousy tugged at his gut and he unclenched his fist and closed his fingers around the chain he wore about his neck.  
His fingertips brushed against the pendant Solona had given him as well as the gift he had purchased, which she now would never receive. A small, golden ring, set with a tiny emerald. It would have matched her eyes.  
_____________________  
Solona stood shakily, wiping away the bitter taste in her mouth as sweat beaded her brow. She had never been so Ill in her life. Being jostled around on horseback did little for her unsettled stomach and the rich stews she was being fed were a far cry from the blandness of circle meals. So much so that she struggled to keep down any food at all, her stomach rebelling against the richness of the fare. Add on top of that her whole body ached from hours upon a horse, though Duncan had promised they were only a few days out from Ostegar. After six weeks on the road, she would be glad to be done with all the travel.  
She was not made for the life of a traveler.  
Solona rinsed her face with water from the river, stalking back through the trees, the overhanging branches grasping at her robes. She spun, tearing her robes as she yanked it back from the trees, cursing before stomping back into camp and flopping angrily down on her bedroll.  
"Sick again?" Duncan asked, never looking up from his task. He was studiously studying the maps.  
Solona glared at the back of the map, "What do you think?" She snapped. She had not kept it secret that she did not wish to be here, "I am not accustomed to such rich food."  
Duncan lowered his map, kind dark eyes came to rest on her. "Are you sure that is all it is"  
Solona scowled, "Of course, what else would it be?"  
"I was under the impression there was a young man..."  
"He is not up for discussion."  
Duncan gazed at her for several moments before releasing a long sigh. "Very well." And just like that, he dropped the subject, he tugged at a thread she was not willing to pull at. And Solona lay back on the bedroll. But sleep eluded her as she gazed up at the stars. Thinking of Cullen only made her heart ache. She had considered running back to the circle, but she knew not the fate that awaited her should she return. It was too soon. So she traveled with Duncan, imaging all the things she would do to Jowan should their paths ever cross again, and counting the days until she was safe in Cullen arms again. 

It was shortly after the midday meal that they arrived at Ostegar. Solona met king Cailan, he seemed capable enough, if a little naive. Duncan's usually friendly face had darkened a little at the king’s offhand remark about not being "a true blight".  
But the pushed the kings excitement at the impending blight aside. It seemed slightly inappropriate to be excited about such things. Instead she went in search of the other grey warden Alistair. Running Duncan's errands a good deterrent from her own thoughts.  
Though in all honesty, she wasn't in any hurry to seek out an ex-Templar, instead taking her time to have a look around camp.  
She felt the tingle of magic in the air, and found herself gravitating toward the mages tents.  
"Solona? My dear is that you?" Solona spun, and she fought down a wave of nausea, and she found herself facing a familiar face.  
"Wynn!" Solona couldn't stop herself from flinging her arms about her mentor, hot tears springing to her eyes. The older woman embraced her like a mother would her child.  
"Solona! What are you doing here?" Solona collapsed into Wynn's arms and told her all about Jowan and the Warden.  
Wynn was Speechless.  
"And now, I'm forced to join the wardens. I'm no warrior Wynn, I can't do this. I'm going to get killed out here!"  
Wynn brushed a loose strand behind her ear.  
"You are stronger than you think Solona, you have much to live for, and your friends back at the circle. Cullen?"  
Eventually Solona’s tears dried up and she went in search of Alistair.

She found the man in question, arguing with a mage. Solona brought her hands to her mouth to stifle a giggle as the man traded humorous quips with the grumpy mage.  
She hadn’t laughed in weeks.  
He had rich brown eyes, and there was a reddish tinge to his dark blonde hair when the light struck it at a certain angle, he was light-heartedly teasing the angry mage and when he turned his gaze on her he simply smiled before engaging her in conversation. He had an odd but kind humor about him.  
He reminded her a little of Cullen, and her heart twinged.  
“Here I thought we were getting along so well. I was even going to name one of my children after you…the grumpy one.”  
“Enough! I will speak to the woman when I have a chance.” The mage turned and almost knocked her over in his hurry to leave. “Get out of my way fool!” he snapped.  
The Warden turned to her and smiled a brilliant smile. “You know, the one good thing about a blight is how it brings people together.”  
Solona blinked, “Sorry what?”  
“It’s like a party, we could all stand in a circle and hold hands. That would give the darkspawn something to think about. Wait, we haven’t met, have we? You don’t happen to be a mage do you?  
Solona hesitated, “Yes…is that going to be a problem?” She asked warily.  
“No, no, of course not…please don’t turn me into a toad.” Solona laughed and the warden smiled again.  
“I could not…”  
“Wait, your Duncan’s new recruit, from the circle. I should have recognized you right away. I apologize.  
They made their way to Duncan and the other waiting recruits, Alistair chatting agreeably at her side, but his words were lost on her. She had been biting back a wave of nausea for the last few minutes, swallowing back the bile building in her throat, until she couldn’t any longer. She stopped and Alistair turned to her, concern passing across his features.  
“Are you…” He didn’t finish his sentence as Solona spilled the contents of her stomach… All over his boots!  
“So…Sorry..” she managed, as she continued to dry retch for several minutes. She swiped her hand across her mouth, staying hunched over. She was humiliated, her cheeks burning and tears slid down her face.  
Alistair laughed as he rubbed her back soothingly, not even the slightest bit annoyed at his boots being soiled. "Come, I'll take you to the healers tent, I'm sure Duncan can wait. Blights not going anywhere,” He offered a kind smile, but Solona shook her head, finally meeting his gaze. He really was unfazed.  
"No, tis fine. I feel much better now. It's just nerves." Solona’s hand went to her belly as the lie passed her lips.  
She couldn't ignore the symptoms any longer. She was pregnant.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I have not forgotten this fic!

She couldn't focus on Duncan's words as he droned on. Pregnant! It was laughable! She wanted to cry. A baby. She was going to vomit again. Alistair shot her a couple concerned look and she shook her head. A baby, Cullen's baby. A small smile tugged at her lips. 

"Amell?"

"What? Yes!" She had no idea what Duncan had just said but she nodded. 

She would do anything to protect the life she carried inside her. She would survive this. She would see Cullen again. 

Darkspawn blood. It reeked of rot and death. What in the name of Andraste did Duncan want with Darkspawn blood? Solona stared at the vials. It was black, and just downright disgusting. 

"Amell! A little help if it's not too much trouble!" Alistair shouted, waving frantically and jabbing his finger in the direction of Daveth lying prone in the ground, gripping an injured leg. She shoved the vials onto the pocket of her robes. The man can't have been too injured, he smirked as he stared at her breasts. 

He reached out, stroking a calloused finger along her arm as tendrils of healing flowed into the wound. "So, you're a mage then. Tell me, do you ever get lonely in that tower?"

Alistair almost choked attempting to cover with a strangled cough. 

She squeezed just a little firmer than necessary, and Daveth shouted, Alistair wincing away from her, and Solona just smiled. 

"Your fine, stop whining." Daveth scowled and Jory laughed.

"We still need to find the warden cache." said Alistair, taking her hand and helping her to her feet. Her stomach lurched and her hand flew to her mouth. 

"Solona?" Alistair placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, and he frowned in concern. "Are you alright?"

She shrugged him off, "I'm fine. Don't we have treaty's to find."

************

Solona glared, irritated at the woman standing before them, then sliding an angry glance to the three men beside her. Darkspawn weren't enough, now she had to deal with apostates too. She wondered how could anyone survive our here, which led her to think of Anders, her time in the tower, and Cullen. Her harms unconsciously wrapped around her stomach. Nothing was going to stop her getting back to Cullen once this nightmare was over. 

Apparently, Morrigan, as the witch said her name was, had the treaties, and Solona soon found herself trekking once more through the wilderness. Maker she missed the Tower. Alistair whispered to her that this was a bad plan, yet he was the one who insisted they find the cache, she would have been happy to not be out here at all, let alone covered in darkspawn blood and rank smelling marsh water! 

She was bone tired and weary by the time they returned. Dealing with Morrigan and her mother had been exhausting. Listening to Alistair argue with the apostates had been rather amusing though, she had to admit. Passing off the vials to Duncan and stomping off towards the mages tents, Solona ignored Alistair's insistence that the Joining be done immediately. She needed rest, the Joining, whatever that entailed, could wait. 

Wynne guided Solona to her own tent, fussing over the young mage as she did when she was a child. Solona let her. She rested her hands across the flatness of her belly. What would Cullen say when she told him? Would he be happy about the news? She had been wrestling with her own feelings since she found out. Finally deciding that this baby, while unexpected, was now her first and only priority. She would do whatever it took to protect the tiny life that she and Cullen had created.

As she drifted into the fade, images of a laughing little boy danced across her dreams. A boy with curls the same shade of red-gold as his father, her own laughing green eyes smiled back at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, question time.
> 
> Would you like to see what Cullen is up to? Or shall i continue with Solona's POV until we return to the circle?


End file.
